• Start by reading The Welcoming Prayer.

Live out the year practicing the spiritual discipline of welcoming.

Below is a schedule of welcoming one healthy practice a month, and letting go of one unhealthy practice a month.

It loosely follows the ten guideposts in Brené Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection.

January

• Do You Welcome or Resist It? – Practicing the spiritual discipline of welcoming

Welcome—Authenticity
Let go—What people think

February

• “Welcome” – Have I Failed at My One Word Already? – Even when our guests are bedraggled and unwanted, even when they are us, welcome them anyway
• Your Advice + “The Guest House” by Rumi – A recap of encouraging comments left on the previous post
• Silence or Solitude? – A weekend of silence and centering prayer at the monastery

Welcome—Self-Compassion
Let go—Perfectionism

March

• 3 Ways to Have More Hope – Lessons on resiliency from Brené Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection

Welcome—Resiliency
Let go—Powerlessness

April

• Where Will They Die? Not in That Tornado – Welcoming gratitude in a crisis is a choice
• The Circumstance Isn’t the Problem – The battle isn’t our circumstances; it’s how we view our circumstances

Welcome—Gratitude and joy
Let go—Scarcity and fear of the dark

May

• When “I Don’t Know” Is Good – The good side of uncertainty

Welcome—Intuition
Let go—Need for certainty

June

• Don’t Compare. Just Create. – Instead of comparing ourselves, let’s celebrate our originality instead
• 3 Reasons to Let Go of Perfectionism – Benefits from doing something imperfectly (including face painting) instead of saying no

Welcome—Creating
Let go—Comparing

July

• Is This Fun to You? – The way we enjoy “play” is as unique as we are. What is fun to you?

Welcome—Rest and Play
Let go—Exhaustion and Productivity

August

• Hit the Pause Button – In the pause, we quietly open our awareness to the Lord’s presence.

Welcome—Calm and Stillness
Let go—Anxiety

September

• It’s Not About Looking Good; it’s about loving well.

Welcome—Love and Wisdom
Let go—Judgments and Negative Motivation

October

• Jobs and God – View your work as opportunities to partner with God.

Welcome—Meaningful Work
Let go—Self-Doubt and Supposed To

November

• No Pride in Giving, No Shame in Receiving – When we have, we give; when we need, we receive.

Welcome—Song and Dance
Let go—Being in Control

December

• Did Your 2016 Problems Go Away? – Lessons I learned from a year of Welcome.

Welcome—God’s Presence
Let go—My Knowledge

Have Enough Favorites?

It’s been a few years now, but I remember the night Brian brought me Vietnamese spring rolls.

He had made spring rolls a couple weeks earlier and brought them to our English as a Second Language class. But I wasn’t there that week. With no time to make homemade rolls again the following week just for me, he bought some from a local Vietnamese restaurant.

He pulled out the takeout box for me to have.

Vietnamese food is an unknown to me. I’m not adventurous in the food department. I like what I like. I have enough favorite foods already; why would I need to try new ones?

But having a Vietnamese friend was once an unknown to me, too.

When New Is Uncomfortable

Brian isn’t his original name. It’s the name he gave himself when he came to America a few months earlier from his home in Vietnam. It’s easier to say.

When I wanted to learn how to pronounce his real name anyway, he laughed and gently told me it would be too hard. I could just call him Brian. He liked that name.

Learning new things can be uncomfortable. Meeting new people even more so. Especially when you speak different languages. It feels rude to ask someone to repeat a word over and over because you can’t understand what they’re saying. Or to be asked in return to speak slower because they’re lost.

Differences often separate us. It’s hard to jump the hurdles to find commonalities. It takes energy and motivation. And time.

To practice his English, Brian prefered real conversations with a native speaker instead of learning through a workbook. So for an hour and a half each Thursday night week after week, we simply talked.

We worked on his pronunciation skills (the th sound is hard for him) and I explained definitions of words he was unsure of (like meteorologist). But we did so through natural discussions about the differences and similarities in our two cultures of America and Vietnam. Weddings, clothing, schools, food, family, holidays, religion.

It Goes Both Ways

As I learned more about Brian’s culture, I learned more about mine, too. Sometimes I’m proud of it; sometimes I’m shamed. The Vietnamese do many things better, some things worse, just like we do.

Even though our sounds differ, our minds search for similar information, our hearts feel the same emotions, our souls want the same connections.

The teaching and learning didn’t go only one direction, but back and forth, round and round.

One word at a time, one conversation at a time, the teacher/student dynamic broke down. It grew into friend-to-friend.

Welcome Home

Despite the hindrances, it’s possible to overcome barriers and reconnect in meaningful ways.

Granted, it takes more effort to understand each other when we don’t sound the same. We have to think harder, lean in, listen closer.

Welcoming the outsider often feels awkward. But we’ve all been the stranger. We know what it means to have received hospitality as a stranger as well as to extend hospitality to the strangers around us. To help others feel at home.

Our efforts are worth it when we discover our common humanity.

I opened the takeout box to try a spring roll. It looked as foreign as it was. I timidly dipped a corner of the rice paper into the sauce. Brian urged me to dunk it more fully. I tried it.

It was good, but it tasted alien to my American tastebuds. I would need a few more bites.

When I got home, I encouraged my husband Jeff to try one, too. He did. The culture was spreading. We’d never had Vietnamese food in our mouths—in our house—and now we had both experienced it.

It was no longer an unknown.

Welcome home.

* * *

When have you been an outsider? When have you welcomed the stranger?

Please share your thoughts in the comments.

revised from the archives

What problems did you start the year with? Do you still have them? Did any new problems pop up along the way?

I ended 2015 with the problem of undiagnosed abdominal pain. I had been to doctors, gone through scans, had MRIs, and taken medicines, but still no diagnosis.

And no relief.

One Word: Welcome

So at the end of last year, I chose the word “Welcome” as my new One Word to focus on in 2016.

post-surgery gift from Jenna and Trey, January 31, 2016

When we can no longer deny our pain, we can’t fix our problems, and we don’t want to constantly complain about them, there’s one thing left to do: Intentionally accept them.

• That doesn’t mean settle.
• That doesn’t mean we don’t continue to work for solutions.
• That doesn’t mean don’t cry out to God for help.

For the past 12 months, I’ve been taking my scaredy-cat self and asking God to help me welcome my problems, physical or otherwise.

Instead of fighting against them, I wanted to intentionally accept what God allowed to happen.

• Daily (well, most days) I used meditation practices to stay in the now.
• Weekly, I used the Welcoming Prayer to affirm my intention to God and myself.
• And monthly (with the outline of Brené Brown’s book The Gifts of Imperfection), I focused on a different attribute to welcome, and something different to let go of. (See all twelve here.)

Like, welcome self-compassion and let go of perfectionism. Welcome resiliency and let go of powerlessness. Welcome uncertainty and let go of needing to know.

Did it work?

How do you define success? At the end of January, I was finally advised to have my gall bladder removed. I did. It helped.

But ridding ourselves of one problem at a time is never a complete answer. It’s our attitudes about all our problems that have to change.

It’s a spiritual encounter with grace that finally transforms us.

Even when our circumstances don’t change.

My attitudes did make a slight shift this year.

• Some struggles I’m holding looser.
• I’m learning it creates less suffering when I surrender to God earlier rather than later.
• His presence is even more obvious—and valuable—to me than before.

I still have a long way to go (thankfully, with much less abdominal pain).

But having a journey ahead is fine with me (well, most days).

I’m even learning to welcome it.

* * *

Did you choose One Word for 2016? Have you thought of One Word for 2017? Please share in the comments.

The line Saturday morning was long and jumbled and talkative.

Each person was waiting to receive their free teal bag. It contained a carefully-loaded gift of meat and vegetables and dessert, enough to cook a beautiful Thanksgiving dinner for their family this Thursday.

I walked through the crowd and said hello here and there, looking for someone who wanted to talk.

I saw a friend and stopped. We chatted about the autumn weather finally arriving.

Then she told me what she often tells me, “Thank you so much for what y’all are doing. It makes such a big difference to us.”

I gave my standard reply, “We’re just passing it along as God gives it. We’re glad to do it.”

And it’s true. God gives to us so we can enjoy giving to others.

But more is true.

I said it to her. I needed to hear it again myself. It is this:

None of us know when it will be our turn to be on the receiving end.

None of us are above it.

None of us are below it.

We like to think, “It’ll never be me.” After all, we plan and save and prepare for such surprises. I’ll always be on this side of the line, we think, never the other.

But if we’ve ever seen (or been) someone devastated by a job loss or a health catastrophe or a financial crumble, we know that, yes, it could be us.

And in many ways it has already been us, it is us now, and it will be us again.

Give and take is a dance. It’s an art form of rhythm and movement, of story and liturgy, of back and forth.

Sometimes we give.
Sometimes we take.

We’re not better people because we give.
We’re not worse people because we take.

We all do a little of both in every season of our lives, in various ways, and in differing degrees.

Let none of us think we’re always a giver. Or always a taker. We’re all some of both. Because that’s how God designed community to work.

If we participate in this dance with grace and partners and intention, it’s a beautiful waltz to behold.

Notice this Thanksgiving week how you dance back and forth between giving and receiving, between offering and accepting, between handing out and taking in.

And whichever side you fall on in this moment, say thanks. Thankful to be able to give. Thankful to be able to receive.

My friend and I ended our conversation in agreement:

When we have, we give.
And when we need, we receive.

There should be no pride or shame on either end.

Let’s be grateful in it all.

* * *

For November, I’ve been welcoming Song and Dance for “Welcome,” my One Word for 2016. See the monthly welcoming practices here.

Related:

• Don’t Just Give: Receive – She said she had something to give me; now I want to keep it growing.
• God Sends No One Alone – All the kindergarteners were enjoying their parents’ attention today, except for this little boy.
• It Matters If You Win, Too – It has to matter to us that it’s also about others.

How will you give this week? How will you receive? Please share in the comments.

“Man’s main concern is not to gain pleasure or to avoid pain but rather to see a meaning in his life.”
– Viktor Frankl

J—Jobs

“I don’t want to do this today.”

How often do we say this? The task in front of us isn’t always fun. Or easy.

And, we might wonder, is it even meaningful?

But if we look at our job—whether it’s one for a day, a season, or a lifetime—as a specific doorway to walk through for an encounter with God, we can embrace it instead of brushing it off.

We’re each called to individual responsibilities. But our assignments are more than they appear to be.

While our work (paid or not) may look like it is only organizing an office or paying a bill or cleaning a house, it is much more.

Each job is an outlet to love. To love God, to love other people, and to love ourselves.

Behind every duty is an opportunity to work alongside God. He wants us to partner with him in his larger ministry to love every human being, to show them that they matter, to impress on them his image.

Try This

What’s your job(s) today?

Why are you doing it?

Dig deeper into your motivation.

• Does it help someone else do their job better?
• Does it make a process work more smoothly?
• Is it a steppingstone to meet other needs?

Can you do it in a way that makes God look good?

Whatever you do today, remember God is alongside you, doing it with you and in you.

God’s presence is your partner. It’s not just something to imagine; it’s a reality to know.

Learn More

• Is Your To-Do List Holy?
  As believers, do our to-do lists look any different than anybody else’s? Maybe not on the surface, but here’s where they can be different.
• Use Your Hands to Touch a Heart
  Without the human touch, the world would be an empty place.
• The Power of Presence
  “Help me know how to rely on your presence more than I rely on my words.” – Scotty Smith
• Your Job Matters
  I hesitate. Because the more you know, the more you’re responsible for. Do I want to know more?
  

* * *

In addition to this 31 days series, I’m also in the middle of a year of “Welcome.” This month I’m welcoming “meaningful work.” Here is the index for the Spiritual Practice of Welcoming.

What’s your job this week, whether at home or at work? How can you stay more aware of God’s presence alongside you? Please share in the comments.

Coming up tomorrow:

• K – Kisses
  Who do you allow your lips to touch?

If you’d like to receive 26 Surprising Ways by email, sign up here.

I’m trying not to be “all wedding,” all the time. But because we’re less than a month away from my baby girl getting married, it’s consuming a lot of my head space.

As a contemplative by nature, an ISTJ on Myers-Brigg, and a 5 on the Enneagram, I’m quite comfortable spending time in my head.

Checking off details in my mind can be a good thing (and even better when I get them onto a to-do list!).

But when an anxious thought follows up each detail, that is not a good thing.

So while I’m there in my head, I’m asking why I’m anxious. The wedding plans are actually running smoothly—all major decisions have been made; Jenna is an easy-going bride; friends and family are helping.

It must be this:

• I’m still too caught up in pride.
• I still wonder too much what others will think.
• I still want everything to go perfectly, when I know the only perfect thing in my life is how Christ loves me.

Once again I need to ask God for forgiveness.

And replace pride with humility.

Humility is the only soil in which the graces root; the lack of humility is the sufficient explanation of every defect and failure.
– Andrew Murray

God is eager to help us in our weak spots. I want to be eager to receive his help. (Is it any coincidence that our worship ministry is beginning a new study together this month on Humility? Excellent timing, God.)

As I was praying over my theme for September in my year of Welcome,—see each month’s themes here—God dropped this on me and I’m praising him for it:

Welcome love. Let go of judgments.

And wedding planning is a perfect place to practice this.

When I start to get anxious, I want to remember the wedding doesn’t need to be flawless (although we do want it to be smooth and lovely for Jenna and Trey). But it’s about starting their marriage off with the right foundation: love for God, love for each other.

No, the wedding won’t be perfect. Neither will their marriage.

But both can be evidence of love, of grace, of God.

Because it’s not about looking good.
It’s about loving well.

* * *

How do you deal with your anxious thoughts? Is perfectionism a problem for you, too? Please share in the comments.

Related:

• What Is the Root Virtue? Humility {Thoughts from Andrew Murray’s Humility}
• 3 Reasons to Let Go of Perfectionism
• The Blessing of Humility – Book Review
• The Highest Lesson? Humility

]]> https://lisanotes.com/its-not-about-looking-good/feed/ 34 https://lisanotes.com/hit-the-pause-button/ https://lisanotes.com/hit-the-pause-button/#comments Thu, 18 Aug 2016 10:00:23 +0000 https://www.lisanotes.com/?p=10229 First comes the cut. I had a small spot removed from my foot two weeks ago. In the moment, it was mildly painful. Next comes the healing. The injury ends;… ]]>

First comes the cut.

I had a small spot removed from my foot two weeks ago. In the moment, it was mildly painful.

Next comes the healing.

The injury ends; the healing begins. The doctor bandaged the spot, gave me medicine, and advised me to keep the wound covered for ten days so it could heal with no irritation or infection.

So I hit the pause button.

Pause is a quiet place.

It’s that space where you’re still too hurt to run back into life full-force. You slow down (or totally stop) for breathing room, to respect the injury, and to allow a decent head start toward recovery.

Where are you bleeding? Have you been cut by a sharp word or attitude or behavior from someone else? Or maybe your own?

Does your wound need space to heal?

Jesus invites us to pause.
There is healing in the pause.
There is grace in the pause.

In the pause, we quietly open our awareness to the Lord’s presence. To his good plan for our future. To his loving embrace of our pain.

Our pause may be only ten minutes here and there. It may be longer as our situation allows. But the Lord awaits us in it.

The pause may not eliminate our pain or restore us to complete healing (yet). But Jesus fills our empty places with grace. With love. His love.

He’s the One who not only wants our recovery the most, but who also has the most power to transform our brokenness into a sacred scar of beauty.

My foot is almost totally healed now. I still wear a band-aid but I won’t much longer.

When we’re willing to pause, his grace expands the healing.

* * *

Do you have a wound that needs healing? How do you hit the pause button? Please share in the comments.

Calm & Stillness is August’s theme for my One Word 2016: Welcome. 

revised from the archives

The Guilt of Play

Sometimes we feel guilty that we play too much.

We think we are selfish if we play. We’re not being productive. Not efficient. Not contributing anything to society.

Other times we feel guilty that we aren’t playing enough.

Too much work leads to irritability and exhaustion and, eventually, ineffectiveness.

But there’s a third possibility for guilt concerning play. Sometimes we feel guilty if what we enjoy is different from what others enjoy.

Is This Fun?

On a sight-seeing drive through the Rocky Mountains of Colorado, Jeff and I climbed higher. We were leaving behind dry ground, and encountering more snow. And more snow. And even more.

Yes, it was beautiful. But as the roads became more narrow and more covered, I became more anxious.

Finally, I heard myself saying my thoughts out loud, “This isn’t fun anymore.”

Now if we had an object at the top of a mountain that we had to reach—a sick child or an important meeting—that would be one thing. Perhaps push on. Do the hard thing.

But if the only goal was pleasure, and it felt like torture, can we stop now?

Welcome Play, Your Way

In my year of Welcome, my July goal has been:

“Welcome Rest and Play” and “Let Go of Exhaustion and Productivity.”

I’m thinking I may need a repeat. I’m not sure I’ve done it.

Unless . . . I change my definition of rest and play.

How do you play? If you have a day to yourself, what do you do? Is it the same thing that your partner would do? Or your kids?

Gretchin Rubin uses these three tests for fun:

1. I look forward to it.
2. I find it energizing, not draining.
3. I don’t feel guilty about it later.

What if, instead of measuring play by what others enjoy, we give ourselves permission to frame play as uniquely as we each are?

“Only recently had I grasped one of my most important Secrets of Adulthood: just because something was fun for someone else didn’t mean it was fun for me—and vice versa. There are many things that other people enjoy that I don’t.”
– Gretchin Rubin

God made us with individual pleasure points.

“When we play, we are engaged in the purest expression of our humanity, the truest expression of our individuality.”
– Stuart Brown, M.D.

When we rest and play in our own ways, we come away more relaxed. More grateful. More worshipful.

And actually more productive, not less, when we do begin our work again.

“Play is a catalyst. The beneficial effects of getting just a little true play can spread through our lives, actually making us more productive and happier in everything we do.”
– Stuart Brown, M.D.

Back on the mountain, Jeff saw my tension. He knew my lack of fun on the mountain would soon outweigh his enjoyment of it.

He found a place to safely turn around and head back down the mountain instead of up. My mood lifted immediately.

Now I was ready to play again.

And eventually fly home on Southwest Airlines. Part of their mission statement is: “People rarely succeed at anything unless they are having fun doing it.”

Enjoy this clip of how a Southwest Airlines employee makes flying fun.

[click here if you can’t see the video]

* * *

How do you play? In what ways is it different or similar to others? (Does it include Pokémon GO? That’s a “no” for me.) Please share in the comments.

9 a.m.
One hour to go before a couple thousand kids arrive. The workers are gathering. Our city is hosting a free Fun Fest day for the children in the community. I had volunteered to help through our local Dream Center.

But as the hour ticks down, we realize more volunteers are needed from the city than are showing up. Not good. We’ll each have to work harder and more intentional to cover all the centers.

So I tell our coordinator, Pastor Jamie:

Oh, I’ll do whatever you need.
Wherever you want me to work, I say. I’m in.

She says, Great—we need more face painters! Will you work this table?

Oh. Except that, I say.
I’m horrible at face painting. Anything but that.

My prior face painting experiences haven’t been pretty. I’m no artist.

But Holy Spirit stirs:
Didn’t you just say you’d do whatever was needed?
Face painting is needed.

Well, yes, but what I really meant to say was:
I’ll do anything I think I’m good at.
Anything I’m comfortable with.
Anything that doesn’t involve uncertainty or mess or confusion. Or glitter; definitely nothing with glitter.

The Problem with Perfectionism

But the thing about helping others is we don’t always get to match our skills with their needs. Our perfectionism can become their roadblock.

• Perfectionism can prevent us from trying new things.
• Perfectionism can stop us from meeting needs.
• Perfectionism can cause us to be overly critical–of ourselves and others.

And perfectionism can make us say no when the Spirit wants us to say yes.

9:30 a.m.
I know I have to change my no to a yes.

I turn back to Pastor Jamie and say,

Sure, I’ll face paint. I can do this.

Sigh. I take a deep breath then cut out the stencils; I lay out my brushes; I open the paint jars. Yes, even the glittery ones.

3 Benefits of Releasing Perfectionism

10 a.m.
And I start painting. Face after face. Hearts, footballs, stars, LOVE, flowers, flags.

Each child talks to me. I find out their favorite color, the sports teams they follow, how old they’re going to be on their next birthday.

And I realize: this is exactly what I wanted to do after all.

Life is a journey of practicing. Not perfecting.

1. Let go of perfection to . . . learn new things.

When we do things we’re not necessarily good at, we are stretching. We are growing. Even if we fall down along the way. In our humility, we learn not only new things about ourselves, but also new things about God. When we trade in our perfection, we experience the grace of God’s provision.

2. Let go of perfection to . . . help other people.

Most people don’t want our perfection anyway. They just want our attention. Our assistance. Our compassion.

“As the soul increases its strength, it can withstand increasing expressions of grace and God. Always the goal remains the same: to stretch the soul in preparation for becoming a container of divine love in the world.”
– Caroline Myss

3. Let go of perfection to . . . honor God.

Holiness comes in many forms. In many expressions. It doesn’t always look like we expect. But when we do the thing in front of us, the thing God is calling us to do in the moment, even if we feel unprepared or inadequate, God is honored. I see him smiling.

1:55 p.m.
There’s still a line of children waiting to have their faces painted. (Alas, my lack of skills didn’t deter anyone.) It’s time to break down the tables and clean up. We apologize.

2:00 p.m.
I say good-bye to my fellow face-painters and hope we’ll cross paths again. Maybe at another face painting table. Or maybe at something else I’m horrible at.

But whatever I’m asked to do next, I hope my yes comes a little quicker. Because working imperfectly with God is more fulfilling than anything I could do perfectly on my own.

* * *

What will you this week that you can’t do perfectly? How do you deal with perfectionism? Please share in the comments.

Related:

• Let go of “not enough”
• Don’t be invisible: just be who you are
• When you show up, you bring heat

]]> https://lisanotes.com/let-go-of-perfectionism/feed/ 42 https://lisanotes.com/dont-compare-just-create/ https://lisanotes.com/dont-compare-just-create/#comments Wed, 08 Jun 2016 17:41:54 +0000 https://www.lisanotes.com/?p=9628 I went to a unique competition last night. My brother-in-law Barry—a successful and seasoned aerospace engineer in his mid-50’s—entered a sports talk show contest, “Kickstart Your Career” with the Ump… ]]>

I went to a unique competition last night.

My brother-in-law Barry—a successful and seasoned aerospace engineer in his mid-50’s—entered a sports talk show contest, “Kickstart Your Career” with the Ump Sports Radio.

And he made the top 10.

So last night nine men and one woman took two minutes on stage to give us their best “Sports Update” broadcast. The judges critiqued; we audience members voted. Two people will be cut each week. This Friday we’ll find out the top 8 who will compete next week.

Here’s a 20 second clip:

[click here if you can’t see the video of Barry’s update]

The lone winner at the end of the contest will be the new host of his/her own sports talk show one morning each week.

But as I listened to each contestant, I struggled to compare them. One had great delivery, but another had better content. One made me laugh, but another kept me totally engaged.

Maybe I’m not supposed to compare?

I’m focusing this month on not comparing. For my One Word “Welcome” this year, June’s challenge is to let go of comparing and welcome creating instead.

Brene Brown in The Gifts of Imperfection says,

“For most of us, letting go of comparison is something that requires constant awareness. It’s so easy to take our eyes off our path to check out what others are doing and if they’re ahead or behind us.”

We all know how bad we can feel when we measure ourselves by others.

Instead, let’s celebrate our originality.

Brown suggests we do this through being creative.

“The only unique contribution that we will ever make in this world will be born of our creativity.”

And lest we think we are not one of those creative people, Brown says this,

“’I’m not very creative’ doesn’t work. There’s no such thing as creative people and non-creative people. There are only people who use their creativity and people who don’t.”

I saw Barry use his creativity last night when he gave his sport update.

And when the last contestant had finished, I realized this: it was far more about creativity in each of them than about comparison.

Sure, the judges will compare within limits to choose a winner.

But the winner will be the one who makes a unique contribution to the art of broadcasting, one who stands out, not a cookie-cutter announcer who is just like others already on the air.

Will Barry win the contest? In many ways, I think he already has. He’s sharing unique parts of himself with us through his originality with words and knowledge.

He’s creating.

The next time we’re tempted to compare, let’s create something, too.

“When I make creating a priority, everything in my life works better.”

* * *

Do you consider yourself a creative person? What have you already created this week? Please share in the comments.

(And I’m not just bragging on my brother-in-law because he bought my dinner last night. He’s really good at what he does.)