Did you ever wish you could drive? What was fun to you? Could you imagine living outside of Mississippi?

During my childhood years in the 1960s and 1970s, my siblings and I often went to Mississippi during the summers to stay two weeks with my grandparents. (Except for my youngest sister; she cried to stay home, so Mama let her.)

We would stay one week with Mamaw (my paternal grandmother) in Springville, and one week with Granddaddy and Grandma (my maternal grandparents) in Toccopola.

I remember making mud pies outside in the yard at Mamaw’s, and walking to the store to buy candy at Grandma’s.

Late 1960s, Grandma and me

1987, Mamaw and me

But overall I have only a handful of memories from those summers. I wish I had more. Especially of my grandmothers.

My grandmothers seemed very different from each other. Though they lived only a few miles apart in rural Mississippi—both grew up in poor farming families, working hard for what little they had—I viewed Mamaw as the more country woman (she had no air conditioning in her house where she birthed her babies and eventually died) and I saw Grandma as the more city woman (she lived in a neighborhood and near a store).

Mamaw was a homebody who loved taking care of her chickens and her yard dogs. Grandma liked buying purses and shoes and dressing up for church.

I would like to have known my grandmothers more. I would like to have understood their backstories.

• Were they in love when they married, or did they marry more for convenience?
• Did they feel oppressed as women, not voting, not driving, not having a job? Could they even imagine an alternative?
• What would they have changed in their cultures, if they could have?

I wish I could ask them these questions and more.

Like, did they see us grandkids as different too? Being one of four kids in my family, I always felt I was just part of a group. Did my grandmothers distinguish much among us? Did they see us as just “the grandkids” or did they know each of us as individuals, too?

If I could have them both back for a day, I’d love to get to know them more as individuals too. I’d learn more about who they were and understand better how their lives rippled out into mine. I’d also want to see what they would think of this granddaughter who is now all grown up with grandchildren of her own.

Instead, I can only talk with family members living in my life right now. It’s these people I can see as the unique individuals they are. I can get to know them better and let them know they are loved. And I can share my own backstory to those who are curious to know.

Who would you like to have known better? Who can you get to know better?

Now is the time.

Share in the comments.

We are sitting on the bedroom floor, Henry and I, the bedroom his Aunt Morgan grew up in. I have a book in my hand, a fun one. I’m excited to read it to him. He likes to turn the pages in the books we read together. When he’s happy, I’m happy.

We get to the page with the wild boar.

But uh-oh. Henry responds in a way I don’t expect.

I’ve always loved reading books from the time I was a child. When my own daughters were children, we read lots and lots and lots of books together. Now that we have grandchildren, I’ve already spent hours of enjoyment reading books with them.

I keep our favorite pop-up books on a high shelf that the littlest fingers can’t reach on their own. These are the special books. These are the ones we only share together.

The book I’m reading this morning with my grandson Henry has been one of my favorites. Each page is split. The top half of each page is the top half of an animal’s face and the bottom half is is the bottom half of its face. You can turn the tops and bottoms together to see the traditional animal, or mix and match to get wacky combinations.

Henry and I are doing it the traditional way. We see the owl who says hoot-hoot and flies around in the dark. We see the rabbit who likes to much carrots and hops and jumps in the grass.

And then we turn to the animal that digs up roots and snorts and grunts in the forest: the wild boar.

That’s when it happens.

Henry screws up his little face and lets out a wail. His eyes are terrified and his voice matches. A real tear rolls down his chubby cheek. This page has scared him.

I made him cry.

I feel like crying, too. I don’t want to make him sad. It’s the opposite of who I want to be in his life.

But now that I think about it, none of the grandkids have responded to this book with joy. What feels like a fun book to me has seemed like a disturbing book to them.

I put the book back on the top shelf. We won’t look at this page again. Maybe not even look at this book ever again.

There are enough scary things in life as it is. I don’t want to voluntarily create another one.

I know I can’t protect my grandchildren from all the hard things in life, just like I couldn’t protect my own children from them.

But I don’t have to unnecessarily create hard things.

Even unintentionally though, I know I’ll make many mistakes as a grandparent, just as I made many mistakes as a parent.

But when possible, I want to learn from them and not repeat the same mistakes again and again, like the mistake I made with this book.

Today forward, I’ll learn from this mistake.

At least in this book, we won’t turn to the wild boar again.

Share your thoughts in the comments.

sharing at these linkups

Should we rank our values? Typically our noble virtues don’t clash.

But when they do? Let love be the tiebreaker.

First Intentional Act

On the first night after our little grandson was born, Jeff and I had dog duty at his house. We’d promised Jenna and Trey that we’d feed their dogs while they were at the hospital.

We walk into little Henry’s nursery. Everything looks beautiful. Even though he came three weeks early, Jenna is mostly prepared.

But one thing is out of order.

I see it on the carpet. It isn’t supposed to be there.

A spider.

It isn’t a big hairy one or a scary long-legged one. But nonetheless, a spider in a baby’s room is anathema.

I ask Jeff to kill it. He does.

It is our first act of intentional care for our grandson.

Which Value Is Greatest?

Sometimes the things we do for others are small in the grand scheme of things. Actually, most are small. Cook a meal. Send a text. Feed the dogs.

But small things are important things.

Every act of love is important. Size? No matter.

When Henry grows up, he’ll be faced with choosing his own values:

• How should I treat my neighbors?
• How can I help my friends?
• How do I care for my family (especially Granna! lol)?

Loving others will always be the best answer, whatever the question. Loving other people is our divine calling. Loving other people is how we love God. Love is walking on holy ground.

Of the many values we hope our grandbaby Henry will learn (excellence, freedom, loyalty, fairness, humility, community, faith, hope, love, …) the greatest of these will be love.

And in those rare occasions when one virtue comes at the expense of another virtue (should you choose sacrifice over freedom? community over independence?), and he has to choose, I hope he’ll choose love as the tiebreaker. Love as the most important. Every time. Over everything. Even among faith and hope, choose love (1 Corinthians 13:13).

Love. It is indeed the greatest of these.

Even when it’s only killing a tiny spider in a baby’s room before he ever makes it home.

Share your thoughts in the comments.

When have you sacrificed freedom for love, pleasure for love, success for love, somewhere along the way? Please share in the comments.

RELATED READING:

It’s Friday night and I’m sitting on the floor in our bathroom, towel at the ready. I’ve run the warm bathwater for my 3-year-old granddaughter.

We’ve been playing hard all day at Granna’s house. She needs a bath. I’ve already put clean sheets on her little bed.

But she’s balking. She doesn’t want to take a bath.

Now what do I do?

I pull out the bag of mermaids.

When my husband Jeff wants to quiet the grandkids after a long day, he sits with them on the living room floor. He pulls out the plastic quart baggie with a dozen or so plastic mermaids. We’ve had them since our own daughters were girls.

And he tells stories.

He’s good at it. He makes them up on the fly. Stories about the mermaids eating on the island; mermaids racing to Spot (the dog); mermaids resting on the rocks.

But me? I’ve never been good at making up stories. I’ve tried a time or two. The last time I had our granddaughter in the car and she was crying about her car seat, I started in on a story. . . Once upon a time there was a girl in the car. . . . 

It went nowhere.

Maybe my timing was off.

The mermaid stories work for Jeff, but I don’t expect them to work for me.

But this night in the bathroom, I take one mermaid out of the bag and SPLASH her into the tub.

And I begin a tale.

Before long, all the mermaids are living their dream story in our bathtub. And so is my granddaughter.

This time I’d hit storytelling gold. Thank you, plastic mermaids.

Everybody got clean that night.

A New Book About Storytelling

So now I’m inspired to try telling more stories.

But since I lack natural abilities to make up stories, I grabbed a review copy of this book as soon as I saw it: How to Tell Stories to Children by Silke Rose West and Joseph Sarosy.

My answer to most any problem is first to read a book about it, yes?

I have now finished this book and while I still don’t think creating spontaneous stories will become my specialty (I’d much rather pull out a storybook and read together!), I feel a little more prepared now.

Here are a few things I learned, in case you need to better your own storytelling skills, too, whether for your kids, grandkids, or friends.

“Everyone is a good storyteller, and no expert can replace the intimacy of a story crafted from within a child’s own environment by an attentive and loving parent or caregiver. Why? Because storytelling is about the relationship, not the narrative.”

“The first step is to find a common object from within your child’s environment. This might be a toy, but it could also be a place you visited, or a butterfly….Whatever it is, make sure it’s something that caught your attention too. You are an important part of the story, and we don’t want to lose you.”

“The key to simple, effortless storytelling is to remain present and let the story flow. In other words, we’re not looking for a script, a beginning or an end.”

“The goal is not a perfect story. The goal is connection. Being a good storyteller, therefore, is mostly about showing up and paying attention.”

The authors give lots of practical tips and share lots of examples of their own stories. It’s a fun book that will inspire you to tell more stories, too, with or without mermaids. 

Featured Post

Because of my feeling incompetent at telling stories, I love what Jennifer shares in this week’s featured post about three things we need, one of them being: a feeling of competence. Ta-daaaah!

Jennifer reminds us through the story of Jesus with the woman at the well that God meets our need for (1) worthiness, (2) belonging, AND (3) competence.

Read all of Jennifer’s inspiring words here, then add your own link below.

“THREE OF OUR GREATEST NEEDS”
by Jennifer Smith

Thanks for sharing, Jennifer! Here’s a button for your blog.

Are you good at making up stories? What’s your secret? Do tell! Share in the comments.

My thanks to NetGalley + Houghton Mifflin
Harcourt for the review copy of this book

1. Share 1 or 2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. (No DIY, crafts, recipes, or inappropriate articles.) All links are randomly sorted.

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We encourage you to follow our hosts on their blogs or social media.

MAREE DEE – Embracing the Unexpected
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

HEATHER HART & VALERIE RIESE – Candidly Christian
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LAUREN SPARKS
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LISA BURGESS – Lisa notes
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Now Let’s Link Up!

I struggle to stay in the present. My mind likes to drift toward the future…future plans, future ideas, future to-do’s.

And while those things are good and necessary uses of our present moments—they can make our future moments more pleasant when we arrive there!—my goal is to remain in this moment, enjoy this time, relish God in this grace.

What I’ve discovered the past three years is that when I play with my two granddaughters, I stay present. I’m engaged. And enthralled. In this moment.

For 2021, my opportunities to stay grounded in the present will go from 2x to 3x. After the gift of two granddaughters from our oldest daughter Morgan, our youngest daughter Jenna will give us a grandSON in May!

I’ve never been more surprised than when Jenna let us guess she was pregnant. Can you tell? 

We only raised daughters. We then had two granddaughters.

So the introduction of a little boy into the clan will be something new for us. I’ll be looking for boy advice.

I expect this child will capture my attention in every way like my granddaughters have done.

And I can’t wait to be mesmerized by him. He’ll keep me in the moment.

Featured Post—Live Known

Even though my grandson doesn’t know me yet, I already know I love him. When Jeanne writes about choosing “Known” as her One Word this year, I remember how much God knows us. And loves us. More than we can ever know or understand.

“I have a sense God is inviting me to learn how to “live known.” I know that God knows me…I sense God wants me to trust Him completely.”

Read Jeanne’s post here about how she is transitioning from “Present” in 2020 to “Known” in 2021 at her blog, jeannetakenaka.com, then link up your own blog posts below.

“2021: Focusing on One Word”

Thanks for sharing, Jeanne! Here’s a button for your blog.

1. Share 1 or 2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. (No DIY, crafts, recipes, or inappropriate articles.) All links are randomly sorted.

2. Comment on 1 or 2 other links. Grace & Truth linkup encourages community.   

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We encourage you to follow our hosts on their blogs or social media.

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What’s your best news so far for 2021? Share your thoughts in the comments.

My own grandmothers seemed very old when I was a child. Is this how my grandchildren will see me?

I resist the stereotypical “grandmother” image of grandmothers from media in my youth. A scary collage of wrinkles, gray hair piled high in a bun, a housecoat and slippers.

Today’s grandmothers are presented as modern and hip and stylish.

I don’t know that either image fits me.

I am simply me. Granna. I’ve only known her for 2 1/2 years. But I have fallen deeply into the role with great joy.

Below are 5 things I love about being Granna and 5 pictures to show it.

I’m sharing five groups of five things I love this week, one per day.

• 5 Reasons I Love Nonfiction Books + 5 Favorite Books (Monday)
• 5 Links I Love + 1 Second Everyday Video (Tuesday)
• 5 Things to Make You Smile (Wednesday)
• 5 Posts and 5 Favorite Comments (Thursday)
• 5 Reasons to Love Being a Grandmother + Pictures (Friday)

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

5 Reasons to Love Being a Grandparent

1. THE ADVENTURES

In addition to changing diapers and giving baths again, I’m also picking up frogs again and reading picture books and romping in the yard looking for treasures. And loving every second of it. 

2. WATCHING MY CHILD RAISE A CHILD

I love watching my daughter be a wonderful mother to my grandkids; the cycle of life goes on. And in watching her, I’m also reminded of how tiring it is to be a mother, which makes me glad I’m now the grandmother instead.

3. SEEING A NEW SIDE OF MY SON-IN-LAW

It’s also fun watching my son-in-law take care of the girls, take them for 4-wheeler rides, teach them about bucks and does. 

4. LOVING THE SAME LITTLE PEOPLE

My daughter knows I’ll always answer her calls when she and the kids want to FaceTime; I’ll always be interested in hearing about the latest tooth popping through; I’ll always delight in every photo and video she wants to send me. We’re all vested in seeing these kids grow up strong and healthy and godly.

5. IT’S JUST PLAIN FUN!

Our second granddaughter turned one year old last month! It’s been so much fun to journey through the first year of life with another baby, watching her learn to play with toys, to push a stroller, to laugh at her sister. When God gave us grandkids, he blessed us with a gift beyond measure! 

Featured Post—3 Ways to Provide Roots for Your Grandkids

Whether you’re a grandmother or not, you likely have children in your life. Maybe neighbors or students in a Sunday school class or nieces/nephews.

Whatever the relationship, you can be a spiritual influence in the lives of these little ones, showing and telling them that God is love.

Deborah writes about ways to provide our grandchildren with more than just another playmate. I want to be the kind of grandmother she writes about.

Read Deborah’s meaningful post here as our Featured Post, then link your own blog posts below.

Well-watered Grandchildren: 3 Ways to Provide Them with Deep Roots

Thanks for sharing, Deborah! Here’s a button for your blog.

1. Share 1 or 2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. (No DIY, crafts, recipes, or inappropriate articles.) All links are randomly sorted.

2. Comment on 1 or 2 other links. Grace & Truth linkup encourages community.   

3. Every host features one entry from the previous week. To be featured, include this button or link back here on your post (mandatory to be featured, but not to participate).

We encourage you to follow our hosts on their blogs or social media.

MAREE DEE – Embracing the Unexpected
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

HEATHER HART & VALERIE RIESE – Candidly Christian
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LAUREN SPARKS
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LISA BURGESS – Lisa notes
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

Now Let’s Link Up!

Are you a grandparent? Do you have happy memories with your own grandparents? Share your thoughts in the comments.

She’s new to us.

We know little about her. But we want to know everything about her because she lives here now.

She needs us to know.

My daughter Morgan birthed her new baby daughter two weeks ago. I’m excited to be a grandmother now to two beautiful granddaughters!

But with a newborn in their house, everything is changing. They listen for her cries to know if she’s hungry. They feel her skin to know if she’s hot or cold. They watch her chest to know she’s breathing in and out.

And she knows none of this. 

Do we like being watched?

Do we want God to know everything about us?

Read it all here

* * *

I’m writing today at Do Not Depart. Will you join me there?

And here’s a little peak at the newest love in my life!

]]> https://lisanotes.com/god-knows-everything-about-you/feed/ 11 https://lisanotes.com/long-distance-grandparent/ https://lisanotes.com/long-distance-grandparent/#comments Tue, 30 Apr 2019 10:00:14 +0000 https://www.lisanotes.com/?p=17462 When the Ground Shakes Our lives changed a year ago last January. The birth of one tiny baby girl shifted our world. It led to more travel, more Face Time,… ]]>

When the Ground Shakes

Our lives changed a year ago last January. The birth of one tiny baby girl shifted our world. It led to more travel, more Face Time, more photos, more fun.

Now the ground is trembling under our feet again.

We found out Friday that we have another granddaughter due this October!

The only thing I don’t like is the physical distance between us and them.

We’re three hours away, which isn’t far compared to many of you (more than half of all grandparents are more than 200 miles away from their grandchildren), but much farther than I’d like.

Long-Distance Grandparenting

I want to be an intentional and present grandparent, despite the distance. That’s why I love this new book by Wayne Rice, Long-Distance Grandparenting: Nurturing the Faith of Your Grandchildren When You Can’t Be There in Person.

If you also are looking for a resource full of encouragement and practical tips on how to be a long-distance grandparent, this is it. Rice says that “distance can be an opportunity” and that it’s possible to have an even better relationship because you’re not taking it for granted.

(But this book can be just as useful for grandparents who live next door to their grandchildren.)

Rice emphasizes a strong prayer connection.

“The most important and reliable connection between a long-distance grandparent and his or her grandchildren is prayer.

With God, there is no distance at all between us and our grandkids.”

Rice shares specific requests we can pray for each grandchild, and also how we can use those prayer needs to boost conversations with our grandkids.

He also encourages us to be a planner. If we don’t already know how to best use a calendar, now is the time.

“One of the reasons why some long-distance grandparents neglect to visit their grandkids is simply because of poor planning.”

Other suggestions include:

• how to create a grandparenting budget
• tips for visits with your grandchildren (before, during, and after)
• ideas for grandparent camps/mission trips/service
• how to use both snail mail and technology to keep regular communication strong.

Be Yourself

Rice includes a 10-point summary at the end of the book, culminating with #10:

“Remember, something is always better than nothing. Don’t try to be the perfect long-distance grandparent. You will not only fail but your grandchildren may want to have you committed. Be yourself and do whatever you are able to do.”

It would be impossible to do all the things suggested in this book, but even implementing a few new ideas makes the book worth the read.

I’m still a rookie in the grandparent department. I have a lot to learn about being a grandparent in the way that fits both my personality and my individual grandkids.

I’m especially grateful that I have examples of wonderful grandparents around me, including the advice repeated in this book:

“Remember that your God-given role as a grandparent is to pass your faith in Christ on down the line.”

Hearing the fast, strong heartbeat of our newest grandchild last Friday made my own heart beat faster, too.

I also want it to beat stronger. 

* * *

Are you a grandparent? Or been blessed with wonderful grandparents? What advice can you give new grandparents? Please share in the comments.

My thanks to Net Galley
for the review copy of this book

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