A few of us had scheduled a Zoom meeting with a friend to give her feedback on an article she was writing. We’d met a couple of times online already, but I still felt a little nervous about the whole process. My own insecurities rise to the surface in newer situations like this.

The scheduled time arrived. But the friend didn’t show up. We waited for her. Then waited a little longer. She was still a no-show, and we didn’t know why. We stayed on the line nonetheless and took the conversation in a different direction until our hour was almost over.

Then five minutes before we were scheduled to sign off, the friend suddenly popped up on the screen!

After a few seconds, it dawned on her what had happened. She wasn’t a few minutes early, as she thought, but was an hour late. She’d forgotten to adjust for time zones.

She was so embarrassed.

But in that moment, instead of feeling annoyed at her for her mistake, I liked her even more.

Because haven’t we all been there? Haven’t we all been red-faced and apologetic for doing something illogical?

It’s part of being human.

If it had been me, I know I would have felt as mortified as she did though. It’s hard to give grace to yourself when you’re the one messing up. Humanity doesn’t seem as endearing when you’re the one demonstrating it.

But for those on the other side, watching someone make a blunder who is normally so put-together actually makes them more relatable. We often connect with each other the most in our moments of vulnerability and imperfection.

There’s even a name for it: the pratfall effect. It’s what happens when someone we already admire makes a mistake. We can feel more fondness toward them as a result of their humanity. But if someone we don’t already like happens to make that same mistake? We like them even less. It’s not fair, so we need to watch for it, but it happens.

My takeaway from my friend’s embarrassing moment? Aim for competence, but don’t sweat it when you flub up now and again. It won’t make your friends like you any less.

Your flaws might actually make them like you even more, for being imperfect, just like them.

Have you liked someone even more after seeing them make a mistake? Share your thoughts in the comments.

“The truth is, the book of human decency continues to be written every day. Let’s all keep adding stories to it together.”
– from Good People by Gabriel Reilich and Lucia Knell

I’d Rather Be Wrong

Sometimes I want to be wrong.

A friend of mine was about to face a hard conversation at work. I had a hunch it would turn out bad. I hoped for good, but expected worse.

Unfortunately, I was right. The conversation was a disaster for her. Sadly, my prediction about her boss was correct this time.

Watching people mistreat another can shake my faith in humanity. That’s when I need reminders of better examples. So I picked out this book to review, Good People: Stories From the Best of Humanity, collated by Gabriel Reilich and Lucia Knell of Upworthy, an online gathering spot for uplifting stories.

The book gave me exactly what I needed—real-life stories from everyday people that showcase the small miracles of kindness and compassion that restore our hope in each other.

Stories of Kindness

The stories in Good People don’t revolve around world-changing events, but they hold an equally strong, albeit quiet, power for the individual at the heart of each story.

One story is written by a woman who loses her dog Milo in the woods. Many residents of the town come together, spending two days and nights to search for the lost pet, until at last Milo was found, safe and sound.

“I couldn’t believe how many kind and selfless people spent so many hours with no other motivation than helping a dog get home. For weeks after, people would stop us on the street because they recognized Milo and were happy to see him safe and healthy. See? Humans aren’t so bad after all.”

Another story describes a science teacher who shared her classroom and a sandwich every day with an unpopular student. Her compassion was a simple gesture, but it left a lifelong impact on the student.

“To this day, I look back on Mr. Wilkerson with gratitude. A sandwich provides one kind of nourishment; compassion provides another. And the latter, for me, meant everything. . . . Her random act of kindness was a gift in itself, reminding me that there are good people in the world—people who do kind things for other people just because they can.”

These small moments, whether a sandwich or a supportive word, showcase how everyday kindness can nourish both body and soul.

Lessons on Humanity

Throughout Good People, I constantly found recurring themes of empathy and human connection. As readers tell their stories, I was reminded that, despite the negative moments we witness or experience, there is also kindness waiting to be discovered.

Here are a few lessons that the writers learned from their individual stories:

• Even when it feels like I’m completely alone, I’m not.
• I learned the world isn’t necessarily a scary place. Kindness is there when I need it.
• Just because I can’t see a way out doesn’t mean there isn’t one.
• Live to give.
• Mermaids may not exist in real life, but good people do. I’ll never stop believing in that.

Some stories are several pages long. Other stories are  simply a paragraph, like this one:

“I was in my first year of law school and driving home late at night, stressed after studying all day for finals. I was stopped at a traffic light, crying a bit, when a guy knocked on my passenger side window, holding out a bouquet of flowers. He was driving a florist delivery truck, noticed I was upset, and said he hoped the flowers would make me feel better. That was more than 30 years ago, and about once a week I think of him and wish him well.”
—Emily W.

But long or short, each story is meaningful. It showcases a human being’s kindness to another, their empathy, in real life situations, proof that at the base of each of us lies a strong foundation of goodness.

And when given the right opportunity, we are more than happy to pour out that goodness onto others. Or have it poured out onto us.

Keep Adding Your Stories

After a few days of hearing my friend’s unfortunate story unravel about the mistreatment by her boss, I dove back into more stories inside the pages of Good People.

It reminded me again that for every moment of disappointment, there are also many acts of goodness happening all around the world—someone helping a stranger, a community coming together, or simply a friend being present for another who needs them.

“Less than a month later, Dexter received a beautiful handwritten note that brought tears to my eyes. At the bottom, they had one request: Always remember that most people in the world are nice.”

This book is more than just a collection of inspiring stories—it shows us the innate beauty in fellow human beings. And it encourages us to go show kindness to other humans around us. That is powerful.

More about Upworthy:

“Upworthy is a gathering place, online and off, for all those who champion the core belief that people are inherently good, and that we have more in common than not. Founded in 2012, it reaches 100 million people a month through various channels across social media, web, and email. Join us @upworthy on all platforms.”

Have you experienced a moment of kindness lately? Share your story in the comments—we’re still writing the story of human goodness.

HUMAN was my One Word of the Year in 2023. Good People reminded me of lessons I learned from it.

My thanks to NetGalley for the
review copy of Good People

Link all of your ONE WORD blog posts below. Share an update about your One Word in the comments.

~ * ~ * ~

On a scale of 1 (lowest) to 5 (highest), what star rating did your One Word of the Year earn?

Here are some questions to help you decide. 

RATING QUESTIONS

1. Did my word stay relevant in my life? Why or why not?
2. How often did I notice my word in other places this year? Where?
3. Did my word meet the expectations I chose for it? Why or why not?
4. Did my word surprise me in any ways? How?
5. Did I grow in any area this year thanks to my word? In what way?
6. Am I glad I chose this word? Why or why not?
7. Would I recommend this word to another person? Why or why not?
8. How many stars do I give this word?

­Here are my answers for my One Word 2023 HUMAN. 

1. As you might expect, Human remained very relevant in my everyday life. It’s what we all are.
2. I saw Human everywhere, all the time. I didn’t intentionally check, but I’d guess it popped up in some conversation, media, or thought every single day.
3. Yes, Human met my expectations. My original plan included a monthly focus on either the human body (physical), the human mind (mental), or the human heart (emotional). It was easy to follow this pattern. 
4. Human was full of surprises this year. Because it was my One Word, it kept me aware and open to meeting and learning from other real-life humans in unexpected ways and places.
5.  It may be too soon to tell, but I believe Human helped me grow in curiosity, in patience with others and myself, and in awareness of what it means to be human. 
6. Yes, I am very glad I chose Human as my word. It was so encompassing and alive.
7. Yes, I would recommend this word to another person, but I would advise they aim for a particular direction with it (while also remaining open) since it is such a huge theme.
8. 5 Stars for Human. And humans! 

This One Word linkup will remain open for two weeks, closing at midnight on Saturday, January 6. Link as many posts here as you’d like about your One Word. Each link shared here will also be shared with our One Word Facebook group. 

Our first One Word linkup in 2024 will be Wednesday, January 24 (and on the 24th of each month for 2024).

If you’d like to receive our monthly One Word emails and ideas, .

What rating do you give your 2023 One Word? Will you choose One Word for 2024? Leave a comment here about your One Word.

• Get more One Word ideas here

Link Up About Your One Word!

“Tell me the facts and I’ll learn. Tell me the truth and I’ll believe. But tell me a story and it will live in my heart forever.”
– Native American proverb

As the two other women sit around a table with me on a cool fall afternoon, the stories come easily. One by one, we share a little more of ourselves. About people from our past. About amusing adventures we’ve had. About current struggles we’re working through.

Through stories, we get to know each other deeper. We get to know ourselves better, too.

Lory encouraged us on her blog last January to “expand our inner world by reading about the spiritual journeys of others.” She suggested twelve prompts and recommended we each pull from a diversity of spiritual traditions and paths.

I accepted her Spiritual Memoir Challenge to read more stories.

I’m glad I did. It fit perfectly with my One Word Human.

Here are the 12 memoirs (some fascinating, some not so good) that I read month by month, plus 10 extras I read throughout the year. This is the most memoirs I’ve ever read in one year and it was fascinating.

1. JANUARY (Hinduism)

Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramhansa Yogananda

This was the hardest book for me and the one I’m least likely to recommend just because it was difficult to understand. However, I knew nothing about this genre of eastern spirituality before I started reading, so I did learn a few things and the stories were entertaining. And this is apparently a worldwide classic on spirituality, so there’s that. (But I won’t reread it like Steve Jobs apparently did again and again.)

2. FEBRUARY (Buddhism)

In Search of Buddha’s Daughters: A Modern Journey Down Ancient Roads by Christine Toomey

This one was more interesting. It chronicles stories of women from vastly differently backgrounds around the world who have chosen to take the monastic vows to become Buddhist nuns. One thing that stood out to me was that sexism exists inside many religions, including Buddhism.

3. MARCH (Christianity)

The Dance of the Dissident Daughter: A Woman’s Journey from Christian Tradition to the Sacred Feminine by Sue Monk Kidd

I finally felt at home again reading this memoir since I know Christianity from the inside. Sue Monk Kidd shares an intimate look at how her Christianity has shifted through the years as she gathers life experiences. Very easy to read as well as emotionally engaging.

4. APRIL (Judaism)

My Jewish Year: 18 Holidays, One Wondering Jew by Abigail Pogrebin

I highly recommend this book if you want to learn more about Jewish traditions. When Abigail Pogrebin realized she had only minimal background knowledge about her Jewish heritage (both the traditions she did practice and those she didn’t), she set out on a year’s adventure to explore 18 Jewish holidays. This book is her findings.

5. MAY (Leaving one tradition for another or none)

Uncultured: A Memoir by Daniella Mestyanek Young

This was one of the most disturbing memoirs I read. Daniella Young grew up as a member of the religious cult “The Children of God.” Her stories of childhood are harrowing, as was her process of leaving the cult and entering the mainstream world. Highly recommend.

6. JUNE (Muslim)

The Wrong End of the Table: A Mostly Comic Memoir of a Muslim Arab American Woman Just Trying to Fit In by Ayser Salman

Part humorous and part serious, this book showed me how this Muslim woman had to navigate the average American culture in ways I had never considered. This book was fine, but it’s likely there are other books more informative on this subject.

7. JULY (Spirituality through illness)

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly: Memoir of Life in Death by Jean-Dominique Bauby

This was the most uncomfortable of the memoirs I read. After a devastating stroke, Bauby—the editor-in-chief of a major magazine at the time—became paralyzed except for his left eyelid through “locked-in-syndrome.” Every word of this book was dictated one letter at a time by the author batting his eyelid to someone as they wrote it all down. I felt I needed to appreciate every single word due to the great effort it took to get his message into the world.

8. AUGUST (Atheism)

Godless: How an Evangelical Preacher Became One of America’s Leading Atheists by Dan Barker

Dan Barker was a leader in the Evangelical church for over 20 years. This story is his deconversion away from Christianity into a free thinking worldview. He writes respectfully and authentically. Very interesting.

9. SEPTEMBER (Spirituality through bodies)

Nobody Needs to Know: A Memoir by Pidgeon Pagonis

When Pidgeon was born, their genitalia was neither clearly all-male nor all-female. So the doctors chose female as the assigned gender. But over time, Pidgeon learned the truth of being born intersex. Pidgeon opened my eyes to a world I knew very little about. My book review is here.

10. OCTOBER (Spirituality thru illness)

My Body Is Not a Prayer Request: Disability Justice in the Church by Amy Kenny

I highly recommend this one for anyone unfamiliar with disability justice (that included me). Hearing the common struggles that those with disabilities endure showed me how many accommodations I take for granted with my abled body. This book is not just about disability in the church, but about in the world.

11. NOVEMBER (Spirituality in politics)

Romney: A Reckoning by McKay Coppins

Once I read the sample for this book, I had to track down a full copy. I’m glad I did. Written from multitudes of Mitt Romney’s journals, emails, and conversations, this book shares the joys and hardships that Senator Romney has experienced during his years in the business world and in politics. Very enjoyable even if you’re not into politics.

12. DECEMBER (Anything)

When Thoughts and Prayers Aren’t Enough: A Shooting Survivor’s Journey into the Realities of Gun Violence by Taylor S. Schumann

Taylor Schumann was shot when a gunman entered the college office where she was working. She survived, but she will live with disabilities the rest of her life. The first part of the book was a little disappointing to me, but the second half more than made up for it.

MORE MEMOIRS

Here are ten more memoirs I read throughout the year that I also recommend.

• All My Knotted-Up Life: A Memoir by Beth Moore
• The Light We Carry: Overcoming in Uncertain Times by Michelle Obama
• Spare by Prince Harry
• The Office BFFs: Tales of The Office from Two Best Friends Who Were There by Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey
• Barkley: A Biography by Timothy Bella
• A Hole in the World: Finding Hope in Rituals of Grief and Healing by Amanda Held Opelt
• Standing Our Ground: The Triumph of Faith Over Gun Violence: A Mother’s Story by Lucia Kay McBath
• Find the Helpers: What 9/11 and Parkland Taught Me About Recovery, Purpose, and Hope by Fred Guttenberg
• The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch
• The Deeper the Roots: A Memoir of Hope and Home by Michael Tubbs

Did you read any good memoirs this year? Share in the comments.

Read more on Human

If you’re reading this, you’ll relate. You know what it’s like to be human.

Being human has limitations and liberties. Complications and comforts. Strengths and weaknesses. Being human reaches into body, mind, and soul.

When I chose Human as my One Word for 2023, I didn’t know where it would take me. I started this year with a fear of more heartbreaks, of more disappointments, of more frustrations, from other humans. I was leery of trusting humanity, others as well as myself, after suffering a devastating loss.

But through my closer examination of Humans being human this year, I’ve seen that our humanity is not something to fear after all. It’s not something we should try to conquer and rise above. There is no living outside it. It’s impossible to shut it down or close it off.

Quite the opposite.

Instead, being human is something to cherish. Sink deeper into it. Inside our humanity is where beauty resides. That’s where strength lives.

As humans we hold each other’s hands to clear a path together, announcing that we each belong here. We bear witness to our individual and communal journeys. We see and are seen, hear and are heard, love and are loved.

And yes, we also hurt others and are hurt by others. We are incredibly fragile. But we’re also incredibly resilient. We coexist with both suffering and joy.

Being human is a miracle. 

4 Key Takeaways on Being Human

Here are 4 key takeaways I learned this year about being human. What would you add?

1. YOU’VE GOT TO USE YOUR HUMAN BODY.
Humans have bodies for a reason. Intentionally use yours to its fullest potential.

» Take in the sights, sounds, smalls, tastes, and textures around you to connect your humanity more deeply to the world (Life in Senses can give you ideas). More here.

» Make the effort to show up in the flesh. Certain adventures can only be experienced with your whole body (like this Taylor Swift concert). More here.

» When possible, get in the same room with other humans. You’ll connect more naturally with other humans in person instead of only through screens (use Zoom, too, but not exclusively). More here.

» Technology is a helpful tool, but start conversations using your actual voice, too (bots aren’t always enough). More here.

2. PLEASE PRACTICE HUMAN KINDNESS.
Humans both help and hurt each other. Find ways to do more helping and less hurting.

» When others need help, be a helper. When you need help, find the helpers (like the blue signs on the interstate).  More here.

» You really can’t read minds, no matter how intuitive you think you are. Seek clearer communication (it’s what I had to do on the beach). More here.

» Use these 3 Cs to help more and hurt less. Get Closer, stay in Conversation, and show Compassion (you can even practice with non-humans). More here.

» Humans need the presence of other humans when they hurt. Your presence is more valuable than your guarantees (I couldn’t bring back her grandson but I could cry with her). More here.

3. LEARN YOUR LESSONS FROM HUMAN FAILURES.
Humans come with imperfections. Be human enough to celebrate and forgive yourself for being human.

» Be human enough to be humble. Humility makes you more accessible to other humans (notice how pride does the opposite). More here.

» Don’t be prideful when things go right, or ashamed when things go wrong (I was flying through the Sudoku puzzle too easily). More here.

» Everybody fails at something. Learn to fail better. The benefits are numerous (read quotes from Right Kind of Wrong). More here.

» Vulnerability hangovers are uncomfortable. But take the risk; be vulnerable anyway (did I say too much in that post?). More here.

4. HARD OR EASY, EMBRACE THAT HUMANS CHANGE.
Humans aren’t statues. Humans change as life flows around and through them. Recognize—don’t resist—your fluidity.

» Time will change you. You won’t be the same person tomorrow that you are today (even as I grieve the people I can’t be with right now). More here.

» Temporary things are still valuable. Invest your humanity in impermanent things, too (like a flower mandala that will be swept away). More here.

» Recognize what choices are yours to make and what choices belong to others (even when you want to rebel against the lunch lady). More here.

» Ultimately, it’s people that matter the most in your life. Prioritize humans (ask yourself this one question). More here.

Being human is complicated. It’s not about living perfect. It’s about living whole.

I’m grateful for the lessons I learned this year from other humans—each one different from me and yet each one the same—as well as from my own human experiences. Even though Human won’t be my official One Word next year, it will always be my reality. Yours, too.

I witness your humanity. You witness mine. It changes us both.

Isn’t that amazing?

What have you learned from being human in 2023? Has another human taught you something? Share your thoughts in the comments.

See more posts on Human 2023 here.

If you’re interested in joining our One Word community for 2024, with tips and suggestions for practicing your One Word.

You can also join our One Word Facebook group.

If you’d like ideas for choosing your own One Word for next year, read these 7 tips to help pick the right word for you.

“The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything.”
—Theodore Roosevelt

I Felt Like a Failure

Sometimes the failures are small: you forget to add the attachment to your email; you make a wrong turn at the intersection; you’re late because you misplaced your car keys.

But other failures, like some of mine this year, are larger. For instance, I’ve needed to have some difficult conversations. I knew they’d be uncomfortable, so at first I put them off. Maybe the problem will just disappear? Or maybe the other person will initiate the conversation instead of me?

Yet when avoidance and procrastination failed to work, I finally prompted the conversations.

And some of the conversations went terribly wrong. I ended up in tears. I walked away with more frustration than I came with.

I felt like a failure because the issues weren’t successfully resolved. I wanted to pull back even more. Armor up. Avoid being vulnerable again.

But was that the wrong lesson to learn from failure. Was I failing at failure?

3 Reasons We Fail at Failure

Amy Edmondson writes in her new book, Right Kind of Wrong: The Science of Failing Well, that we often miss the opportunity to fail well.

Here are three reasons she shares about why we often fail at failure.

1. AVERSION

We have an instinctive negative response to failure so we avoid it at all costs.

2. CONFUSION

We incorrectly distinguish between different types of failure, and thus fail to learn the appropriate lessons from each.

3. FEAR

Instead of admitting and sharing our failures, we tend to hide them because we fear a social stigma, of looking bad, of being kicked out of the tribe.

How to Fail Better

Instead, Edmondson suggests the following ways to fail better:

* Get friendly with errors

Foster an environment of psychological safety, making it okay to fail. Create blameless reporting. Rather than blaming and shaming for failures, use failures as opportunities to learn something new you might not have learned any other way.

“Good failures are those that bring us valuable new information that simply could not have been gained any other way.”

* Set lower standards

Aim for excellence instead of perfection. Perfectionism is unrealistic. Everyone fails. No one is flawless. Give yourself permission to be human.

“It’s tempting to believe that if we just hunker down, we can avoid failure altogether. It’s also wrong. The relationship between effort and success is imperfect. The world around us changes constantly and keeps presenting us with new situations. The best-laid plans encounter problems in an uncertain context.”

* Choose learning over knowing

If you think you already know most things (which we’re hardwired to do, by the way), you’re not open to uncovering what you don’t know, setting yourself up for more failures. Be humble to be more effective.

“It’s wise to take the time to diagnose what went wrong, while reminding yourself that intelligent failures are not preventable. In new territory, the only way to make progress is through trial and failure.”

* Try new things

To become more adept at handling failures, be vulnerable. Put yourself in new situations or learn new skills where you’re bound to experience failure at some level. Make peace with the process.

When we get better at failing, at least two good things can happen:

“One, you realize that you don’t die of embarrassment. Two, you build muscle so that each next failure stings less. The more you experience failure, the more you realize you can still be okay.”

The Benefits of Failing

The benefits are clear: with less fear of failure, you’ll have more freedom to live courageously, more patience with yourself and others, and more authentic relationships—people tend to like us better when we share our failures instead of only showing images of perfection.

“The real failure, I’ve found, is believing that others will like us more if we are failure-free. In reality, we appreciate and like people who are genuine and interested in us, not those who present a flawless exterior.”

I’m trying to pick myself back up from my failed conversations and use them as life lessons. Sure, I could have handled them more skillfully, but I did the best I could at the time. I’m proud of myself for even trying, and hopefully next time I can use the learned lessons to create more beneficial outcomes for everybody, including myself. Eliminating blames helps eradicate shame.

Being wrong happens to each of us. It is disappointing, to be sure. We all want to fail less.

But instead of withdrawing or becoming defensive or more fearful when failures happen, let’s embrace our failures as part of being human.

Learn to fail well.

Do you hate to be wrong, too? Share your thoughts in the comments.

My thanks to Netgalley + Atria Books
for the review copy of Right Kind of Wrong

Link your ONE WORD blog posts below. Share an update about your One Word in the comments.

~ * ~ * ~

As we pause in November to give thanks for the blessings in our lives, are you thankful for your One Word, too?

Try a gratefulness practice with your One Word. Write down 5 or 6 things that you’re grateful for about your word this year.

Such as, “Thank you for…”

• A lesson your word taught you
• New people you’ve met, thanks to your word
• Improved attitudes you’ve adopted due to your word
• Physical changes instigated by your word
• Spiritual disciplines shaped by your word

If you’d like, write these down on an actual thank-you card. Place the card where you’ll find it again in a few weeks as a reminder to remain grateful for how your word served you in 2023.

We’d love to see your list, too! Take a photo or screenshot of your list and share it with us in a blog post or in our Facebook group.

~ * ~ * ~

Here’s my Thank You Letter to my word HUMAN.

Dear “Human,”

Wow. You’ve been amazing this year to reveal so many things to me about my own humanness, and about humanity all around me.

1—Thank you for prompting me month after month to value my own worth as a human being on this planet, mistakes and all.

2—Thank you for nudging me to make new friends in the flesh this year, incredible human beings like Naomi and Rachel. As a human, I need other humans.

3—Thank you for helping me live more embodied, to be aware of my senses, to place this human body in new spaces.

4—Thank you for rooting me deeper in humility, for showing me I haven’t yet arrived, while giving compassion to myself for my humanness as well as compassion on those around me for theirs.

5—Thank you for focusing me on a human’s most important value: love. What an array of opportunities you prompted me to see in 2023 to love and be loved, in both predictable and unexpected ways.

Even though this year is almost over, you and I will remain intrinsically linked every year. I am, after all, Human.

THANK YOU, my word, from the fullness of this human heart,
Lisa

~ * ~ * ~

This November linkup for One Word updates will remain open for two weeks, closing at midnight on Thursday, December 7. Each link shared here will also be shared with our One Word Facebook group. 

Our final One Word linkup for 2023 will open on Saturday, December 23.

If you’d like to receive our monthly One Word emails and ideas for 2023 and soon to be 2024, .

For what can you say “thank you” to your One Word? Leave a comment here about your One Word.

• Get more One Word ideas here

Link Up About Your One Word!

The Second Idea

I’d signed up for this session with Kia for a quiet get-away, a personal time of meditation in a small room with a few others before the bustle of the busy day ahead. It was listed as Flower Meditation. I had no idea what that would be. But sure, I’d try it.

The experience turned out to be as relaxing as advertised. (Read about it here: Dead Flowers Can Be Arranged, Too.)

But now it’s over. We’re finished. It’s almost 9 a.m. and I’m ready to dart out to my first scheduled class of the morning.

Yet something holds me back.

It’s Kia’s second idea. I linger to hear more.

Will This Look Weird?

When Kia had originally signed up to lead Flower Meditation as a bonus activity for the conference, she’d imagined offering it in the conference center itself. She’d hoped it would be in a convenient space where people could make a quick escape for an intentional break to catch their breath throughout the day, not in this tiny meeting room we were assigned in an obscure corner of the adjacent hotel at an early hour.

Nonetheless, she’d made it work.

And yet . . . she’s now sharing her larger vision with us. She thinks it might still work. She longs to offer respite to more people throughout the day.

She’s suggesting we pick up the leftover flowers, walk together to the conference center, and build a mandala in the middle of the lobby.

Hold on a minute, Kia. It’s one thing to sit quietly in a small room with a few other contemplatives like myself and construct our personal flower mandalas.

But to step uninvited into a huge space with people all around and do it there? What will people think? Won’t we draw too much unwanted attention? Won’t this seem weird?

It’s too late to say no.

Take a Seat on the Floor

The five of us gather the flowers into our arms. We walk through the hallway, down the elevator, and into the main lobby of McCormick Place, the largest conference center in Chicago and in the U.S.

Kia picks a spot in the center of the floor. We lay down our flowers. Then we sit on the floor together.

We start picking off the petals, then watch as Kia begins to reconfigure them artistically into a small circle, starting a collective mandala for us all to add on to.

I feel torn.

Part of me wants to participate in this spontaneous act of creating beauty on this early Saturday morning. But another part of me wants to step away from this spotlight and hurry away to my first class of the day.

I sit and participate for a few minutes, watching the time.

The lure of the classroom eventually wins me over. I thank Kia for introducing me to flower meditation, but I must leave. She and one other woman remain behind on the floor, building the mandala, as other participants rush to their next classes, too.

Look at the Mandala Now

After my class is over, I walk back through the lobby. But I have trouble finding Kia.

I finally see her, but just barely. She is still seated on the floor.

She is surrounded by people. A crowd has gathered. New people are now seated on the floor beside her, people that hadn’t been in our early-morning Flower Meditation session.

They, too, are tearing flower petals off the stems. They, too, are adding them to the larger and larger mandala that is growing in the middle of McCormick Place.

Kia has set up a box holding more petals. She written a note on it:

“You are welcome to add to this. It is dedicated to all of us.”

Some of the cleaning staff have even placed orange cones around the mandala to better protect it.

Those who don’t have time to sit and create still make time to stop and gaze in awe at the beautiful piece of art coming to life in this unexpected place in this unexpected way.

Kia explains to the passersby that this practice is soothing and healing. That anybody can do it. That it’s something they can recreate when they return home in their own spaces.

It’s not how Kia had planned it.

But she is getting to live out her greater vision for Flower Meditation after all. One flower petal at a time. One passerby at a time. She is providing rest, offering a space to breathe, even in the middle of a crowded mass of people, far removed from the tiny space we began in early this morning.

I pass by the mandala several more times as the day goes on. When time allows, I sit and add a few more petals myself.

And breathe a little deeper each time.

And the Next Day?

The next day, I pass through the lobby as I walk to my final class in the conference center. I look again for the mandala.

But of course it is gone. All the flower petals were swept away overnight. As we knew they would be. As we knew they had to be.

The flower mandala had been temporary. Investing in humanity—with our humanity—often feels temporary, especially when our efforts are uncertain, small, spontaneous.

But the memories and impacts from creating the mandala, from investing our humanity? They can live on and on and on.

Never underestimate the permanency of investing your humanity.

How do you invest your humanity? Share in the comments.

Read more:

• Dead Flowers Can Be Arranged Too
• How I Ended Up at a Taylor Swift Concert
• Don’t Let Zoom Steal Your Humanity

“Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you.”
– John C. Maxwell

Go to the Back!

It had been a long morning of learning and conversations and classes at the conference center. But now it was time for lunch.

We walked into the ballroom. On the left side of the room was a long line of tables piled with boxed lunches. Each table offered the same three options: turkey sandwich, a vegetable wrap, or a sub sandwich. We were told to pick up a box, then find any other table in the ballroom to sit and eat.

With one caveat.

The catering woman in charge of herding us through the line told us, “Don’t pick up a box from the first few tables.” She wanted everyone to start at the back table.

And she was having a hard time making that happen.

Yet she tried. As we entered the room, she yelled, “Go to the back of the room to get your box! Go to the back of the room!”

Of those who heard her, we did what she said. The food was all the same, and what’s a few more steps?

But one woman in front of me missed hearing the direction. I saw her pick up a boxed turkey sandwich from the first table.

And the catering woman became furious. She yelled at the woman with the box,

“Put that back! Put that back! Don’t take that! Go to the back of the room to get your box!”

I was in shock as I watched and listened. You don’t usually hear people yelling like this at friendly volunteers in a food line at a nice conference.

It lit something inside me. How did I want to respond?

First, I wanted to give the poor woman in front of me a hug as she was getting yelled at. But second, I wanted to grab a boxed lunch from the first table myself.

Pidgeon’s Lack of Choice

Something inside us doesn’t like to be bossed around. We want to make our own decisions when possible. We don’t like arbitrary rules that artificially take away our possibilities.

We have an innate human desire for choice and autonomy.

Maybe that’s one reason that the memoir Nobody Needs to Know struck a chord with me. It’s a newly published book by Pidgeon Pagonis. In it, Pidgeon tells how their life’s trajectory was changed when doctors made body-altering choices for them when they were young.

When Pidgeon was born, they had genitalia that was neither clearly all-male nor all-female. So the doctors chose female as the assigned gender. Over time, they performed a series of cosmetic surgeries on Pidgeon, unbeknownst to them.

As Pidgeon aged, they were given female hormones yet told they would never have a period or be able to bear children because of a previous childhood cancer. But it wasn’t true; Pidgeon had not had childhood cancer. Pidgeon had been born intersex.

Pidgeon’s book is the story of how the story unraveled, bit by bit, truth by truth, as they began to understand the implications of the choices that had been made for them, without their consent.

Pidgeon now works to encourage doctors to hold off on cosmetic surgeries for intersex babies, allowing everyone time to adjust to their bodies and make informed decisions for themselves as they get older instead of having those decisions made for them when they’re too young to understand.

In reading Pidgeon’s story, I’m like the older white gentleman Pidgeon writes about in the book:

“An older white gentleman who looked like he was someone’s father, asked if he could shake my hand. ‘Thank you so much for sharing your story,’ he said. ‘I never knew about what intersex people endured before today. You opened my eyes.'”

Pidgeon opened my eyes, too.

Recognize Whose Choice It Is

Back at the ballroom-turned-cafeteria that day at lunch, while I wanted to rebel and pick up a box from the first table, I resisted. I did as I was told; I walked to the back of the room to get my meal. I didn’t want to break the rules or make anybody’s job any harder that day for absolutely no reason.

I still got to choose between the three options for lunch, after all. It was a very, very minor thing.

But not all decisions are that minor. And not everyone is given a choice.

One lesson I learned from Pidgeon’s story in Nobody Has to Know is this:

When possible and appropriate, allow people to make their own choices.

Let them have autonomy in their lives, just as I want autonomy in my life.

Granted, when we humans are allowed to make our own choices, we may occasionally make some bad ones. But even then, we’re more likely to learn and grow from those bad choices than if we had been enslaved to have no choice at all.

Recognize what choices are yours to make, and what choices are others to make.

Let’s not mix up the two.

Share your thoughts in the comments.

My thanks to NetGalley for the
review copy of Nobody Has to Know

Link all of your ONE WORD blog posts below. Share an update about your One Word in the comments.

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Are you getting ideas for what your 2024 word might be? It’s not too soon to be thinking about it!

Take some time in the next few weeks to begin listening for a new word. Here are some questions to consider.

1. What aspect of your 2023 One Word worked for you?

For my word Human, it’s been easy to categorize into tangible, quarterly goals, alternating each month with a focus on Body, Heart, or Mind.

2. What about your 2023 word was difficult?

Human is such a broad topic that it’s been hard to narrow down. It’s everywhere and touches on everything since it’s the essence of who we are.

3. Would you rather your 2024 word be something similar to or completely different from your 2023 word?

Well, I think all my words—past or future—are ultimately connected to Human. So whatever word is next will also encompass humanity in some way. But I think I’d like something a little more contained for 2024.

4. Do you need something harder/easier/more playful/more serious, etc. for 2024?

I probably could use something more playful, but I will probably choose something serious again. I can’t help myself. (But maybe I can intentionally incorporate playfulness into whatever it is, getting the best of both worlds?)

5. Do you have unfinished business with your 2023 word that could develop into a 2024 word?

Yes, I’ll always have unfinished business with Human as long as I’m here, so by default my 2024 word will inevitably be an offshoot of it.

BONUS:

You might even draw a sketch of your One Words from previous years (if you’ve been doing this awhile), connecting the dots from the past, and see if they lead you to a new word for the future.

Let this be a fun time of listening and exploration! 

Here’s the sketch I made of my words so far. . . 

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This October linkup for One Word updates will remain open for two weeks, closing at midnight on Monday, November 6. Each link shared here will also be shared with our One Word Facebook group. 

Next month’s One Word linkup will open on Wednesday, November 22 (one day earlier due to U.S. Thanksgiving on November 23).

If you’d like to receive our monthly One Word emails and ideas, .

Did your 2023 One Word work well for you? Are you getting ideas for your 2024 One Word yet? Leave a comment here.

• Get more One Word ideas here
• 7 Tips to Choose Your One Word of the Year

Link Up About Your One Word!