The Moment My Heart Starts Racing

I feel my heart pump faster.
He really just said that?
He actually believes that lie?
Seriously?

An hour earlier, everything had begun beautifully. It was a gorgeous Saturday morning with a surprising number of like-minded people gathering in our small town to celebrate freedom. I came with a few friends and met up with a couple others once we arrived. We were among “our people” and it felt good.

And then he walks up.

We’d been chatting with strangers all morning, but this one feels . . . different.

My energy shifts as I read the message on his T-shirt. Uh-oh. I immediately think he and I believe different facts.

Nonetheless—because I want to be open-minded—a few of us engage when he starts asking questions.

It’s not long before the disagreements surface. He makes a statement; we counter. He doubles down; we counter that.

Back and forth it goes.

It’s not ugly, per se. It’s definitely not violent. From the outside it might even appear civil.

But I find myself getting riled up anyway with Mr. T-Shirt Man. I feel exhausted. I walk away for a few minutes. Others in our group carry on the conversation. They appear calmer than I am.

I can’t stay away for long though. I’m too curious.

The conversation becomes more strained. Eventually, we encourage him to move along because we’re getting nowhere together.

He agrees to leave. I don’t know where he goes next.

But I know where I go . . . .

Finding My Way to Braver Angels

A few weeks later on another Saturday morning, I find myself seated around round tables in a different city.

I’m attending a workshop hosted by Braver Angels, a national cross-partisan organization that specializes in “taking a stand against toxic politics.”

It’s where I need to be now.
(And where I wish I’d been a month earlier before I met Mr. T-Shirt Man.)

Our topic of the day is “Skills for Disagreeing Better.”

Our facilitator guides us through a workbook. He tells us it is possible to have healthy conversations over disagreeable topics.

I want to believe him.

Practicing the Skills: Learning to LAPP

Then comes the role-playing. We practice one-on-one conversations. Taking opposite sides. Turning off our inner debaters.

We try out LAPP:

1. Listen.

Focus on hearing the other person’s view instead of preparing your rebuttal.

2. Acknowledge.

Reflect back what you heard so they know you understood (and are continuing to try to).

3. Pivot.

Ask if they’re open to hearing your perspective, then wait for a verbal yes.

4. Perspective.

Share your view using tools like:

• Using I-statements
• Naming your sources
• Telling a personal story
• Avoiding negative labels
• Mentioning something you agree with

Some of the skills come easily to us; others are difficult.

Better Equipped—and Better Intentioned

By the end of the session, I do feel better equipped. But more importantly, I feel better intentioned.

I don’t want my goal in difficult conversations to be to win, to change someone’s mind to my way of thinking. I’d rather connect—to really see the fellow human being in front of me instead of only noticing the stereotype, regardless of the message they’re wearing outwardly.

Will I ever run into Mr. T-Shirt Man again? Probably not. But if do, I hope the LAPP skills I practiced with Braver Angels will ripple into our conversation.

Maybe next time I could engage with him a little longer. Hear his words a little clearer. And connect with his humanity a little stronger.

Or . . maybe not.

We don’t get to control the outcomes. But we do get to work on our process.
To be better, do better.
One small ripple at a time.

Is it hard for you to have conversations with people on the “other side” of your political position? I’d love to hear in the comments.

If you’re curious about Braver Angels, here is the link to their free e-courses.

Read more:

• Is Politics Hopeless? 5 Ways to Practice Hope in Politics
  Politics can feel hopeless. But here are 5 commitments to make for practicing hope, even in politics. The choice is yours.
• What Your Most Unlikely Friendship Can Teach You
  Loving Violet taught me that compassion means little if it stays only in the heart—it must move through the body, too.
• Are You Listening With Both Your Ears?
  If you want clearer depth perception, including in your relationships, listen in stereo.

Because many Americans (religious or otherwise) are impacted by the intersection of faith, democracy, and justice in the U.S., this book by Amanda Tyler (an attorney and lead organizer of Christians Against Christian Nationalism) comes at a critical moment in our history. How to End Christian Nationalism aims to uncover how Christianity is being weaponized to justify fear, exclusion, and even violence in our nation.

Before you pick it up, though, here are a few things to know about this book.

• This book is NOT an attack on Christianity or Christian expression in public life.
• This book is NOT about labeling individuals as enemies.
• This book IS a call for everyone—both believers and non-believers—to reclaim the values of love and care.
• This book IS about how to understand and dismantle a deeply embedded ideology.

Tyler makes it clear that Christian nationalism is both an ideology and a political movement. It’s not about one politician or party—it’s about a false narrative that links Christianity with national identity, white supremacy, and authoritarianism.

There is no easy fix for Christian nationalism because, as Tyler points out:

“Ending Christian nationalism cannot be accomplished in my lifetime or yours. We must accept that a problem that has gone unaddressed for centuries will take several generations to resolve.”

However, Tyler still offers 8 steps as a starting place for “this multigenerational project.”

Step One: Name and Understand the Threat

“Christian nationalism is flourishing both because it is a pervasive ideology and because it is a well-funded political movement.”

• Christian nationalism predates the founding of the U.S.
• It thrives on myths, like the idea that the U.S. is or should be a “Christian nation.”
• When people understand what Christian nationalism really is, they’re more likely to reject it.

Step Two: Ground Yourself in Love

“Christian nationalism bows to three idols in particular: power, fear, and violence.”

• This chapter is a reminder that the foundation for resistance needs to be rooted in love, not fear.
• Tyler draws a sharp contrast between the gospel of Jesus and the gospel of domination.

Step Three: Denounce Violence

“One marker of the violence that surrounds us is American society’s idolatrous devotion to guns and gun culture.”

• This section was particularly powerful to me as a gun safety advocate.
• Tyler explains how the gun culture in America is often wrapped in religious rhetoric with deep ties to a Christian nationalist ideology.

Step Four: Commit to the Separation of Church and State

“Preserving religious freedom is important not only for historically marginalized groups. Separation of church and state is also an important protection for those who practice the majority religion.”

• Religious freedom loses all meaning if it isn’t for everyone.
• Tyler explains why state-endorsed religion actually weakens authentic faith.

Steps Five–Eight: Take Action Locally and Publicly

“Working to end Christian nationalism does not mean working to end Christian expression in the public square.”

These chapters are full of practical tools:

• How to have hard conversations with loved ones
• Ways to advocate in your local church or school board
• Ideas for organizing or supporting efforts in your community

Most importantly, Tyler encourages everyone to keep showing up—in love and truth—whether Christian or not.

Tyler is careful not to demonize anyone who is already a follower of Christian nationalism. She focuses on the ideology, not the people caught up in it. She doesn’t label anyone a Christian nationalist, but rather talks instead about Christian nationalism, a subtle difference but a significant one. This respectful distinction is an excellent starting point for conversations we need to have on any divisive topic. Otherwise, name-calling and harsh assumptions crush any chance of moving forward together.

Who should read this book? Anyone who values freedom and democracy, regardless of your religious orientation. It’s not an easy read—but it’s an important and relevant one. Christian nationalism is something we all should understand if we want to end it.

As Tyler says,

“When people know more about Christian nationalism, they are much more likely to reject it than to embrace it.

Clarity around what Christian nationalism is and the impact that it has on our and our neighbors’ freedoms is an important first step to dismantling the ideology and its threat to democracy.”

Share your thoughts in the comments.

My thanks to Netgalley for
the review copy of this book

“When you feel yourself reacting negatively to something you hear, hit pause in your mind.
Ask yourself (1) ‘Why am I reacting this way?’ and (2) ‘What could this conversation be like without my reaction?'”
– Sarah Holland, Beth Silvers

The Overwhelming Divide

We all face moments when the world can feel overwhelming, especially again this year when it comes to politics.

At times it appears hopeless. The divide seems too large to bridge. Red states, blue states, progressives, conservatives, us vs them makes us wonder if there is any common ground left.

In the past few years, I’ve found myself more politically aware than ever before. While it’s been empowering to better understand the issues, it’s also been disheartening. Talking politics can both fire me up and bring me down.

But even in politics, there is hope, right?

A Shift in Perspective

Yes, there is reason to hope. This quote by Sarah Holland and Beth Silvers gives me hope. It’s from their book, I Think You’re Wrong (But I’m Listening): A Guide to Grace-Filled Political Conversations.

“We’ve decided to stop calling America ‘divided.’

Buying into this conflict-driven narrative is a choice, and it’s a choice we’re not going to make. We don’t feel divided from each other or the people in our lives in any way.

There are no perfect relationships, ideas, people, or organizations in our lives. They’re all flawed, just as we are flawed.

But we see past those flaws—because we are first looking for the good.“

5 Commitments to Practice Hope in Politics

Here are five commitments from I Think You’re Wrong that we can use to practice hope in political discussions.

1. Commit to recognizing and putting down your defensiveness.

2. Commit to learning something in the discussion.

3. Commit to having a dialogue instead of giving alternate speeches.

4. Commit to assessing whether it’s the right time to say what is on your mind.

5. Commit to ending the discussion by strengthening the relationship.

Within the boundaries of these commitments, perhaps we can talk politics with our family, friends, and even strangers more productively and with respect. Through this approach we can grow in self-awareness and love for others whether we’re on the same side of an issue or polar opposite. We can let go of our daily moral outrage at every new controversial statement and instead listen with curiosity.

As Beth and Sarah wisely put it,

“Remember that you are part of something so much bigger than one election, one vote, and one law.”

I want to believe this. So this is my reminder to choose hope, even in politics.

* * *

Who do you talk politics with? Everybody, nobody, only a select few? Do you find it hopeful? Please share in the comments.

revised from the archives