Wow. 2 weeks is definitely quick. We had a little less than 2 months with my dad, but a couple months prior to that, we knew something was wrong because he was losing so much weight. It all still felt like a blink of an eye though. If you read the book, let me know what you think. I’d love to hear your perspective on it.

I’ve never seen or heard Gawande until I watched the YouTube video yesterday—I think I was expecting an accent because of his heritage so it surprised me that he had no accent. Yes, he does seem very gentle and caring (as well as intelligent). I failed to mention he also is the author of The Checklist Manifesto, another book that I greatly loved.

I’m glad your mother was able to go out in the way she wanted to, given the circumstances at least. There’s no fantastic way to go, but I think it’s got to at least be better when you’re surrounded by those you love and who love you. I pray you and your dad will continue to have constructive conversations in the future. It definitely pays off in the long run to make wishes known BEFORE the final things strike.

I thought that statistic on falling was interesting. So many times it is a fall that is the final straw for someone already in compromised health. I’ve seen that happen in several cases, and I’m sorry you had to experience that with your father. I continue to pray for you as you continue to walk with your mom; it’s not for the faint-hearted. But I also know your love and your faith will see you through everything.

I think you will enjoy this book, too, Linda. And with the experience you had in taking care of your mom, you’ll be able to relate to much of it. Yes, often times circumstances turn in such a direction that we can’t have things turn out “our way”; those types of decisions are addressed in this book as well. Hard stuff. I guess much of life is learning to let go of life too….

I strongly advocate for living wills myself, Pamela. They are extremely important. Before my mother’s dementia got bad, she let us know that she didn’t want to live on at all costs—if her quality of life deteriorated past a certain point, she didn’t want to be kept alive unnecessarily. But yes, it was still difficult to not opt for feeding tubes, etc., when the time did come for us to make the decision after she was no longer able to make those decisions on her own. I’m glad your mother had a living will so your decisions were clearer to make (although not necessarily easier).

Love this, Linda—we do need to consider more how to die well. It’s not something we’re as comfortable talking about, but when we see someone who does it well, we recognize it. Praying for you as you care for your own parents.

My heart goes out to you, Cherry. 🙁 Such a difficult position for all of you. When my mother’s dementia got too bad, we had to move her into assisted living for the final few months of her life. It was hard on everybody, even though we thought then and still think now that it was the right decision at the time. Thankfully her basic character qualities were sweet and only occasionally was she combative (which wasn’t like her at all). But if it had been my dad—oh my, it would have been a different situation. ha. He would have been more like your father. I hope that this book will be helpful to you if you have time to read it. It includes lengthy sections on nursing homes and assisted living situations.

I do think we can probably watch the program online. I did a quick Google search last night and lots of hits came up on YouTube that I hope to look into later.

I agree with you that it’s too hard to say on this side of a diagnosis exactly what we’ll choose. So many factors go into these kinds of decisions, and they look different for everyone. I *think* I know what I’d do if my prognosis was slim (probably be like my dad), but who can say for sure until faced with it?

I’m adding the link here to your review of Being Mortal for others to see. It was so informative (wish I’d thought to add the link sooner!).

https://barbarah.wordpress.com/2015/04/17/book-review-being-mortal/