Comments on: Do You Think They Want Your Words?

By: Lois Flowers

Lois Flowers — Mon, 16 Jan 2023 22:08:59 +0000

I LOVE this post, Lisa… what a wonderful gift you gave your friend. Years ago, I used to feel I had to have just the right comforting answer for people. No wonder I always felt clumsy when I was trying to “comfort” like that. I’m so thankful for the dear friends who listened to me in my grief and taught me the value of an empathetic heart.

By: Tea With Jennifer

Tea With Jennifer — Sat, 14 Jan 2023 00:58:16 +0000

In reply to Donna. Such wise words from that Counsellor Donna & so very true! Blessings sweet friend, Jennifer

By: Tea With Jennifer

Tea With Jennifer — Sat, 14 Jan 2023 00:54:49 +0000

Yes listening is paramount in such circumstances.

Unfortunately, when we’re in such emotional pain our social filters are compromised & this is why so many people, who are really hurting, will share their deep emotional pain with complete strangers.

Knowing this beforehand can help us to go to trusted relationships though.
Blessings sweet friend, Jennifer

By: Linda Stoll

Linda Stoll — Fri, 13 Jan 2023 21:06:41 +0000

There’s nothing like the gift of someone’s quiet, attentive, presence. Nothing.

By: Barbara Harper

Barbara Harper — Fri, 13 Jan 2023 18:54:23 +0000

This is such a good reminder that we need to listen more than worry about saying the right words (though I pray I’ll say something helpful and not harmful). I also like the point about making room for the pain rather than trying to make things better.

By: Jean Wise

Jean Wise — Fri, 13 Jan 2023 18:02:36 +0000

lots of truth in that quote: “Funny, how we worry about having the right thing to say, when listening is so often what people need most.”
I wonder how much more peaceful the world would be if we listened to understand more that yapping or barely hearing the others. Good thoughts here today, Lisa!

By: Lynn

Lynn — Fri, 13 Jan 2023 00:53:33 +0000

“You’re not there to take away their pain; you’re there to make room for it.” So well said, Lisa. Showing up is the most important of all.

By: Joanne Viola

Joanne Viola — Thu, 12 Jan 2023 13:43:03 +0000

Lisa, sometimes a person just needs to know they were seen or heard. There is no worse feeling than feeling like one is invisible. I think at times, we can say the most when we say nothing at all.

By: Susan Nowell @ My Place to Yours

Susan Nowell @ My Place to Yours — Wed, 11 Jan 2023 23:53:15 +0000

Lisa, there’s so much good insight in this post. Thank you for encouraging us as readers to be present in someone’s pain. It reminded me of a post I wrote many years ago about choosing to “do the awkward” and to be there for someone who is hurting. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do (and do again and again), but (as you stated so well) oh, so necessary! Here’s my post if anyone wants to stay present in this topic awhile longer. https://myplacetoyours.com/2012/10/day-1-of-31-days-of-creative-caring-do-the-awkward.html

By: Jeanne Takenaka

Jeanne Takenaka — Wed, 11 Jan 2023 22:29:02 +0000

Lisa, this post is so powerful.

First, I loved this: “You’re not there to take away their pain; you’re there to make room for it.” Actually, all of your words spoke to me, but this reminded me of my purpose when I’m with a friend in pain.

Years ago, a dear friend and her husband in another state lost their first son to complications from some birth defects. They were, understandably, devastated. This was back before cell phones were a thing. They asked for people to not contact them for a while. When the time was right, I began writing her letters. Eventually, she wrote back. As we wrote and then began talking on the phone, we began to talk about their loss. She told me something I’ll never forget. Most people, because they didn’t know what to say, stopped showing up at all. She was thankful for the people who showed up, even if what they said wasn’t quite right. They showed up.

As other friends have lost loved ones, I’ve found that “I’m so sorry” goes a long way, especially when there is no thing I can say that will make things right. Just reaching out through text or a note, even if they don’t reach back, speaks love to people who are hurting. Anyway, I’m rambling. I loved this post.