Mark the Moment Archives - Lisa notes

How to Connect {Mark the Moment Series #5}

LisaNotes — Wed, 08 Nov 2017 11:00:29 +0000

This is the final edition of How to Mark the Moment, a series based on Chip Heath and Dan Heath’s book, The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact. This week we look at the fourth element of how to create a powerful moment, “Moments of Connection.”

If you’ve ever felt disconnected from your work or a group or a friend, you know how uncomfortable it is. Sometimes you feel lost at how to reconnect.

But below is concrete advice from authors Chip Heath and Dan Heath. This is the fourth element from The Power of Moments:

Create moments of connection.

To Connect with a Group

Create a synchronized moment in person

We are familiar with many of these: graduations, weddings, meetings. But we don’t have to wait for momentous occasions to create a moment. Just don’t do it with regular remote communication; share something together in person.

The book tells about a special hospital all-staff meeting assembly that was life-changing for the employees.

“The staffers who attended the All-Staff Assembly absorbed some critical messages from the situation: This is important. (Our leaders wouldn’t rent all the buses in a city for something mundane.) This is real. (They can’t back off the things they said when 4,000 of us heard them.) We’re in this together. (I see a sea of faces around me, and we’re all on the same team.) And what we’re doing matters. (We’ve recommitted ourselves to a purpose—caring for those in need—that is bigger than any of us.)”
– Chip Heath, Dan Heath

Invite shared struggle

“If you want to be part of a group that bonds like cement, take on a really demanding task that’s deeply meaningful. All of you will remember it for the rest of your lives.”

We can likely all relate to this. Maybe it was a church mission trip overseas. Or walking alongside a family through tough times. Or an important school project.

“People will choose to struggle—not avoid it or resist it—if the right conditions are present. The conditions are: The work means something to them; they have some autonomy in carrying it out; and it’s their choice to participate or not.”

Connect to meaning

Groups need to be reminded of their true purpose. It’s easy to forget it in the day-to-day minutiae.

The book differentiates in particular between passion and purpose. Which would you think is more critical?

While we prefer to have both passion and purpose, studies show that purpose inspires us the most.

“The outcome is clear. Purpose trumps passion. Graduation speakers take note: The best advice is not “Pursue your passion!” It’s “Pursue your purpose!” (Even better, try to combine both.)

Passion is individualistic. It can energize us but also isolate us, because my passion isn’t yours. By contrast, purpose is something people can share. It can knit groups together.”

When purpose seems lacking, it’s important to dig deeper for meaning. Ask yourself a series of “why’s”: why you joined the group in the first place, why it was formed, and why it should continue. Then ask another layer of why after why until you get to the root of your purpose.

To Connect with an Individual

Be responsive

A critical element in healthy relationships is responsiveness.

“Our relationships are stronger when we perceive that our partners are responsive to us.”

Responsiveness means:

we feel understood,
we feel validated,
and we feel cared for.

And vice versa.

A doctor in the book is quoted as asking her patients not just, “What’s the matter?” but “What matters to you?” The responses can be quite different and intensely meaningful.

It doesn’t have to take years for a relationship to become intimate. It can happen in a short period of time with the right moments.

Take turns

The book recommends this 36 Questions app (I haven’t looked at it) from Art Aron’s 36 Questions experiment. By taking turns asking and openly responding to a series of questions over the course of an hour, even total strangers can develop a real connection.

“Responsiveness coupled with openness leads to intimacy. It happens via ‘turn-taking.’”

Benefits of Connection

By taking the time to intentionally engage in meaningful moments, almost all relationships can improve.

It doesn’t take special get-aways or skills or money, but just a willingness and effort to take action.

Because we all want to hear this . . .

“This is important. This is real. We’re in this together. And what we’re doing matters.”

* * *

Who do you need to reconnect with this week? Please share in the comments.

The Four (EPIC) Elements of Marking the Moment:

Intro – How to Mark the Moment (Oct 11)
E – Moments of Elevation (October 18)
P – Moments of Pride (October 25)
I – Moments of Insight (November 1)
C – Moments of Connection (November 8)

Need to Stretch? {Mark the Moment Series #4}

LisaNotes — Wed, 01 Nov 2017 10:00:27 +0000

This is part 4 of 5 posts, How to Mark the Moment. It’s based on Chip Heath and Dan Heath’s book, The Power of Moments. This week we look at element 3, “Moments of Insight.”

Element 3, Moments of Insight

Want to Be Stretched?

Sometimes we wish our pants would stretch after a heavy dinner.
Or that a family member would stretch their political views.
Or that we could stretch past our same old fears.

So how can we stretch others or ourselves?

Stretching often comes from moments of insight, a third element in The Power of Moments.

Moments of Insight – Deliver realizations and transformations.

But we can’t exactly create an insight; we can’t manufacture an epiphany.

However, we can set up the environment for an insight to happen.

“Often, what looks like a moment of serendipity is actually a moment of intentionality.”

If you’ve ever wanted someone to understand your point of view, but you can’t get it across, or wanted an aha! moment to help you make a decision, here are some tips that can help you.

To Stretch Others, Show Something

If there’s something you want another person to see, telling them doesn’t always work. They need to see it for themselves.

Authors Chip Heath and Dan Heath suggest this:

Set up an environment so the person trips over the truth.

First, make the problem really clear. People need to understand a problem before they’ll look at the solution. When a group of researchers wanted a remote village in India to understand that their poor sanitation practices were creating sickness, they staged a walk with the villagers to all the places they used as public restrooms.

They had to discover the problem themselves to believe it.

Second, only through a series of activities along the way, did the villagers finally see for the first time how devastating their hygiene habits were, and were thus open to a solution.

Likewise, if we have something we want to teach, we also would be more successful if we could do this:

Design activities so they’ll catch their foot (or brain) on something and then stumble over the truth themselves.

Don’t just share findings; replicate the discovery.

To Stretch Yourself, Take a Risk

But if we’re the ones in the dark, we can’t replicate the discovery if we don’t yet know what it is.

So how can we stretch ourselves? The Heath brothers suggest this:

Put yourself in a situation that exposes you to a risk of failure.

We’re more likely to have an aha! moment outside our comfort zone. We don’t grow from only head knowledge; we need to take action.

“Action leads to insight more often than insight leads to action.”

We don’t have to do it alone. We can invite other people to push us outside ourselves: trainers, coaches, mentors, pastors. They can hold us to higher standards, assure us when we doubt, give us direction and support when we’re uncertain.

“What may be counterintuitive is that self-insight rarely comes from staying in our heads. Research suggests that reflecting or ruminating on our thoughts and feelings is an ineffective way to achieve true understanding.”

But ultimately the decision is still ours:

To grow, push toward risk, not away.

Taking risks don’t always pay off in the way we’d like. The result may not be a success as we’d normally define it. But even a failure can teach us something.

“Better to take a risk, try something, and distill the answer from experience rather than from navel-gazing.”

This story is shared in The Power of Moments about a child remembering her father’s question at the dinner table:

“When Blakely and her brother were growing up, her father would ask them a question every week at the dinner table:

‘What did you guys fail at this week?’”

‘If we had nothing to tell him, he’d be disappointed,’ Blakely said. ‘The logic seems counterintuitive, but it worked beautifully.’”

Blakely’s father wanted to normalize failure as proof that at least his kids were trying new things. And that failing was okay.

“His attitude taught me to define failure as not trying something I want to do instead of not achieving the right outcome.”

Trust God with Your Moments

Although The Power of Moments doesn’t speak directly to faith issues, as believers in God we can see this spiritual truth: when we step out in faith, we show God we trust him. Not just trust him for successful outcomes, but trust him with all our moments. And that grows our faith.

No one wants to stagnate; we all want to grow. But growth requires us to put ourselves out there. Experience more, go in new directions, enlarge our circles.

By learning to stretch for moments of insight, we can influence the lives of others and our own.

“The promise of stretching is not success, it’s learning.”

* * *

What’s an aha! moment you’ve had? Have you had a mentor who helped you grow? Please share in the comments.

The Four (EPIC) Elements of Marking the Moment:

Create More Finish Lines {Mark the Moment Series #3}

LisaNotes — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 10:00:59 +0000

This is part 3 of 5 posts, How to Mark the Moment. It’s based on Chip Heath and Dan Heath’s book, The Power of Moments. This week we look at element 2, “Moments of Pride.”

Element 2, Moments of Pride

Why do some experiences impact us for days or weeks, while other moments go by unnoticed?

And how can we capture more positive moments so we can enjoy them longer?

Last week we looked at the first of four elements to make an experience special: elevating our moments.

This week we want to mark accomplishments, either our own or others, by creating moments of pride. (If you’re following along in The Power of Moments, this is from chapters 7-8. We’ll pick up chapters 5-6 next week.)

Goals Too Hard?

I’m thinking ahead. My daughter Morgan has entered her third trimester with our first grandbaby. I want to consider now how to create special memories with our grandchildren later.

But this grandchild will live several hours away, so how will I do it?

Why do some goals seem too hard?

Because they are unmeasurable (like my goal to “learn Spanish”, even though DuoLingo tells me I’m 45% there—so untrue).
Because they are so long (like memorizing a chapter of the Bible).
Because the journey seems boring (like training for a marathon).

But in The Power of Moments, the Heath brothers show us ways that we can reach our goals by multiplying the milestones, thus giving us more moments worth celebrating.

Multiply the Milestones

They suggest this:

Set up many finish lines along the way, not just one grand prize at the end.

For example, a goal of “Lose weight” is too vague (even though it is measurable). Instead, set specific milestones along the way, and celebrate them when you succeed. Their examples include:

Go one week straight without using the elevator.
Pick out 2 microbrews to enjoy on Saturday after a full week without booze.
If I jog continuously for three songs on my playlist, that entitles me to download three new ones.

They say you’ll know you’ve succeeded when you reach your pre-determined milestone: “Fitting into my sexy black pants (without gastrointestinal distress).”

We see these multi-step strategies at work all around us, such as earning Boy Scouts’ merit badges or finishing the Couch to 5K running program.

This is important even in our Christian walk. While we have a big goal of heaven after we die, Christ also intends for us to live an abundant life now.

By setting multiple finish lines, we can enjoy and celebrate many small wins all along our journey, instead of just trudging along for only one grand finale goal.

Celebrate Others

These moments of pride aren’t just about us, however. We can also recognize others’ moments of achievements. We do this best when we give authentic, frequent, and meaningful praise or prizes or celebrations.

Did you know that a top reason that people leave a job is a lack of praise and recognition?

Providing moments of recognition can be a turning point in someone’s life instead.

Have you had a teacher who spoke words of life into you?
Or a boss who applauded your work outside the yearly review?
Or even a friend who said, “I noticed what you did for me; it made a difference.”

These moments of pride don’t necessarily happen on their own. We can create them through thoughtfulness and intentionality.

Every step matters, and when we complete it, it’s a win. Recognize it.

Jeff and I have set some specific milestones we’d like to reach for grandparenting despite the distance. They’ll likely be adjusted once the baby actually gets here.

But by designing our goals deliberately, with several benchmarks along the way, I hope we’ll create more moments of accomplishment and more opportunities to celebrate.

“We’re not stuck with just one finish line. By multiplying milestones, we transform a long, amorphous race into one with many intermediate ‘finish lines.’

As we push through each one, we experience a burst of pride as well as a jolt of energy to charge toward the next one.”
– Chip and Dan Heath

* * *

What’s a goal you have? How can you build in multiple finish lines and create more moments to remember? Please share in the comments.

The Four (EPIC) Elements of Marking the Moment:

For more on The Power of Moments, watch this 4-minute video, “Build Peaks, Don’t Fix Potholes”

How to Enhance an Experience {Mark the Moment Series #2}

LisaNotes — Wed, 18 Oct 2017 10:00:31 +0000

Defining Moments

When’s the last time you’ve been to a wedding? A funeral? A graduation?

We usually attend these events because we know the importance of celebrating an important moment. And celebrating a person important to us.

It’s been over a year (October 2) since Jenna, my youngest daughter got married. Weddings are memorable moments. They’re planned, they’re focused, and they’re people-oriented. They’re easy to remember. They’re filled with built-in rituals.

But every day can’t be a memorable moment. Most of life is routine.

So when we do want to mark a particular moment as special, but it doesn’t come with its own celebratory format, how can we?

Moments of Elevation

I’m sharing four ways to celebrate defining moments, one each Wednesday, from research in The Power of Moments by authors (and brothers) Chip and Dan Heath.

Each of these four elements is meant to enhance an experience or life transition that we want to mark as special.

I specifically want to mark my transition from parent to grandparent (thanks to our oldest daughter Morgan).

This week is Element One: Moments of Elevation.

You can use a moment of elevation to enhance

(1) a special occasion like those mentioned above, plus birthday parties, retirement parties, baptisms, or
(2) an “onstage” moment, such as a championship sports game, speaking at a conference, a band concert, or
(3) spontaneous moments, like a sunny day in the park, a baby’s first smile, a worship experience.

To elevate one of these moments, the book recommends you do one of these three things from this first element (next week is the second element, Moments of Pride).

Boost Sensory Appeal

“Boosting sensory appeal is about turning up the volume on reality. Things look better or taste better or sound better or feel better than they usually do.”

At Jenna’s wedding we had beautiful flowers and twinkling lights and special clothes. Peak moments look different; they feel different.

To create your own peak moment, something as simple as dressing up can make an occasion feel different. Light candles for a special meal. Take a meeting outside instead of a board room.

Jeff and I went to a distant location (Maine) to celebrate our 25^th wedding anniversary last month. The atmosphere was different—cliffs, ocean, lighthouses. Hiking through Acadia National Park is something we’ll remember because it looked different and felt different than our backyard in Alabama.

Raise the Stakes

“To raise the steaks is to add an element of productive pressure: a competition, a game, a performance, a deadline, a public commitment.”

To celebrate 25 years of marriage and to commemorate our transition to a new season of grandparenting, I brought a bag of polished stones with us to Maine. On one set of rocks, I had written the word, “Thanks.” Another set said, “Help,” and a third said, “Wow.”

To raise the stakes, on our first full day in Maine, Jeff and I took three “Help” rocks with us to Portland Head Light (Cape Elizabeth Lighthouse).

As we looked over the Gulf of Maine, Jeff and I each came up with three specific prayers of “Help” for our new season ahead. We then said them aloud to each other and God, then threw each “Help” rock into the water.

One of Jeff’s requests was that the grandkids would have so much fun with us that they would cry when they had to leave. One of my requests was that I would have enough energy to play and keep up with them.

I then bought a lighthouse replica to put in my grandma box as an extra reminder of our commitment moment.

Break the Script

“To break the script is to defy people’s expectations of how an experience will unfold. It’s strategic surprise.”

You likely have informal scripts for how you spend Sunday mornings or who makes breakfast during the week or what you do on vacation.

To break the script, throw in a “delightful surprise” to change a normal routine. The book suggests an exercise called “Saturday Surprise.” The instructions are easy: Break the script on your Saturday routine. Do something totally different than you normally would. See what happens.

Reminiscence Bump

What are the ten most important events likely to take place in a lifetime? A study by Dorthe Berntsen and David Rubin showed these most popular answers (not in sequential order).

Having children
Marriage
Begin school
College
Fall in love
Others’ death
Retirement
Leave home
Parents’ death
First job

The majority of these events happen between the ages of roughly 15 to 30.

“If you ask older people about their most vivid memories, research shows, they tend to be drawn disproportionately from this same period, roughly ages 15 to 30. Psychologists call this phenomenon the “reminiscence bump.

~ * ~

Why does a 15-year period in our lives—which is not even 20% of a typical life span—dominate our memories?”

Psychologists say because of novelty. Many firsts happen during those years. First kiss, first job, first time living away from home.

But we don’t have to stop having “firsts.”

“Surprise stretches time.”

Throw in some novelty of your own this week. You don’t have to use every element to elevate every moment.

But remember every now and again to mark your moments.

Invest intentionally.
Stay engaged.
Live purposefully.

Watch this 3-minute video about improving your experiences.

* * *

Which strategy can you use this week: (1) Boost the sensory appeal, (2) Raise the stakes, or (3) Break the script?

What do you remember about the last big event you attended? Why? Please share in the comments.

The Four (EPIC) Elements of Marking the Moment:

How to Mark the Moment {Series Intro #1}

LisaNotes — Wed, 11 Oct 2017 10:00:31 +0000

“In life, we can work so hard to get the kinks out, we forget to put the peaks in.”
– Chip and Dan Heath

Things Change

When have you had a defining moment? A moment where everything changed? Either literally or mentally?

Often defining moments occur around peak milestones: graduations, weddings, baptisms.
They also occur around transitions: a new job, a cross-country move, an overseas mission trip.
And sometimes they involve a pit: a death, an injury, a divorce.

We are always in a season of change.

Whether we are young or old or in-between, life is never constant. Relationships change. Job and family responsibilities shift. Even our bodies never stay the same.

Sometimes we’re forewarned that a new season is approaching. Other times it whirls in like a tornado at our front door, unexpected and unannounced.

Underline the Moments

Regardless of how or why changes come, they sometimes require a mark.

“Moments matter. And what an opportunity we miss when we leave them to chance!”

The Hebrew people in the Old Testament often stopped to build an altar to remember a moment (Genesis 12:7; Genesis 28:18; Exodus 17:15; Joshua 4:5-7; Joshua 8:30; and more).

Sometimes we need to do the same, erecting our own stones of remembrance, underlining an experience, in whatever form that takes.

[See “Where’s My Ebenezer?” And read this beautiful post by Barbara at Stray Thoughts, “Here I Raise My Ebenezer.” It’s full of defining moments.]

The Power of Moments

For the next four Wednesdays, I’ll be sharing unique ways to mark a moment.

The four ideas will come from a fantastic new book by Chip and Dan Heath, The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact.

The authors explain in the book how to capture your own peak moments through these four elements.

Moments of Elevation
are experiences that rise above the routine
Moments of Pride
commemorate people’s achievements
Moments of Insight
deliver realizations and transformations
Moments of Connection
bond us together

[For various reasons, the authors thought it too cheesy to use EPIC as an acronym for the four elements—they order it EIPC in the book—but EPIC is easier for me to remember.]

I highly recommend you get a copy of this book for yourself. You won’t regret it.

“Teachers can inspire, caregivers can comfort, service workers can delight, politicians can unite, and managers can motivate. All it takes is a bit of insight and forethought.”

Download Chapter 1 here.

Marking My Transition

Personally, my life is about to change. After 25 years of being married to Jeff, caring for our two daughters, opening the family to two son-in-laws, we’re about to add a new layer. Morgan will add a baby girl to our family in January.

I don’t know how to be a grandmother. But I know I want to be a good one.

So Jeff and I recently marked the moment of upcoming transition, asking for God’s help as we shift gears.

On our 25^th anniversary trip to Maine, we brought with us a group of rocks, marked with “Thanks,” “Help,” and “Wow.”

I’ll share what we did with the rocks in the upcoming posts, how we made a moment.

Quotes

But for now, I’ll share some quotes from The Power of Moments to inspire you to create your own moments.

As you read them, think of your own transitions. Are you in a season of change within your job, your family, school, church, health?

Why create a defining moment around your change? Chip and Dan Heath suggest these reasons:

To enrich your experience.
To connect with others.
To make memories.
To launch your life or your career or your team in a new direction.

All quotes below by Chip and Dan Heath.

~ * ~

“Defining moments shape our lives, but we don’t have to wait for them to happen. We can be the author of them.”

~ * ~

“Shouldn’t couples acknowledge and celebrate what they’ve accomplished together? One couple we know kept an anniversary journal for the first decade of their marriage. Every year they would record the things they accomplished: Redecorating the back bedroom, hosting extended family for Thanksgiving dinner, and so on.”

~ * ~

“Moments when we display courage make us proud. We never know when courage will be demanded, but we can practice to ensure we’re ready. The protesters involved in the Nashville lunch counter sit-ins didn’t just show courage, they rehearsed it.”

~ * ~

“Courage is contagious; our moments of action can be a defining moment for others.”

~ * ~

“Remote contact is perfectly suitable for day-to-day communication and collaboration. But a big moment needs to be shared in person. (No one dials in to a wedding or graduation, after all.) The presence of others turns abstract ideas into social reality.”

~ * ~

“Creating more memorable and meaningful experiences is a worthy goal—for your work, for the people you care about, and for you personally—independent of any secondary impacts.”

* * *

Join me next Wednesday, October 18, for how to create a defining moment with #1, Moments of Elevation.

“Moments of elevation are experiences that rise above the routine. They make us feel engaged, joyful, surprised, motivated. Research suggests that organizations dramatically under-invest in building peaks, choosing instead to fill potholes.”

What’s been a recent memorable moment in your life? Please share in the comments.

The Four (EPIC) Elements of Marking the Moment:

Mark the Moment Archives - Lisa notes

How to Connect {Mark the Moment Series #5}

To Connect with a Group

To Connect with an Individual

Benefits of Connection

Need to Stretch? {Mark the Moment Series #4}

Element 3, Moments of Insight

To Stretch Others, Show Something

To Stretch Yourself, Take a Risk

Trust God with Your Moments

Create More Finish Lines {Mark the Moment Series #3}

Element 2, Moments of Pride

Goals Too Hard?

Multiply the Milestones

Celebrate Others

How to Enhance an Experience {Mark the Moment Series #2}

Defining Moments

Moments of Elevation

Boost Sensory Appeal

Raise the Stakes

Break the Script

Reminiscence Bump

How to Mark the Moment {Series Intro #1}

Things Change

Underline the Moments

The Power of Moments

Marking My Transition

Quotes